Quicksand

She appears composed, so she is, I suppose...

2006-03-13T16:57:00.000-05:00

So....Last Friday there was a completely bogus threat of a shootout at good old FHS, which prompted my mom to pull me out of school. No complaints here. She took me to work at the middle school and I visited the old auditorium, and it made me smile. XD
Later on we got Brian and went to see The Libertine.
My oh my, Mr.Depp made himself ugly towards the end, but he was still awesome, although it would have been better with a butt shot and less rotting nose. Whatever.
We then went to Applebees.
Saturday was set "construction" and I don't even want to talk about it.
Later that evening I went to Outback with Brian and his clan, and met his cousin Amy and her boyfriend Leo, who has a cute daughter named Selena. They were fun people, and I think they liked me.
"Tell me of abduction."
Brian and I then watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Hi-Larry-Us.

Sunday...shopping with mom, Flavor of Love marathon, Brian, meatloaf & macaroni and cheese, Silence of the Lambs, more Flavor of Love.
Mintiness and candy bars are fun.

Today I had a doctor's appointment, so I got a physical done, and then got (a) shot. Tetnus shot! AAHHH!! It hurts like a biatch.
I have guitar ensemble later.

Cool beans!

I'm looking to the sky to save me

2006-03-09T18:21:00.000-05:00

So, today...today, was actually a surprisingly good day.
Because of HSPA I've been going to school 3 hours later, which means I catch the bus at 9:40. This means since Tuesday I've been watching an episode of the Golden Girls at 9. AWESOME!
Once in school, I introduced The Game to a few new people, and I find myself losing very frequently. I went to guitar, had fun with Jenna, Nickbennett, Curt and Stewart, who had some frozen orange slices that got stuck on my teeth.
During fourth period, Curt, Dan, Mike and I discussed old memories, and it was fun.
Fifth period...Mrs.Sharma's Pre Calc class is the biggest waste of my life. She doesn't know how to teach, and expects us to know everything.
In Mr.Pinnix's class I was applauded for thinking outside the box. Stick it to the box man!
Lunch was rather fun, I don't quite recall anything specific.
Chemistry was rather boring. I hate Gregory Williams.
Foster's class...meh, the usual.
Rehearsal was decent. I'll spare you the details.
Chris' father gave me a ride home, and while we were waiting for him, we were being stupid and having fun. Jenna made an appearance because she was at school to pick up Pants.
I really love the weather, it makes me feel good, because it reminds me of good times last year.
That's all for now, maybe I'll post later.

We never change...do we?

2006-03-08T21:03:00.000-05:00

So, thinking is a dangerous pass time.
I've re-evaluated almost every aspect of my life.
I've come to the conclusion that almost everyone I know is fake, vain, and uncaring. I'll be the first to say that I don't have many friends, and of those I do have, I know that the majority of them aren't true friends. To top it all off, those that come closest to being true friends don't even do what normal people do with their friends. I hang out with them very rarely. I don't call them and they don't call me. I guess you could say, I'm alone.
The only person I have is Brian, and sometimes I doubt whether or not he really wants to be with me. I don't think he's in this relationship to take advantage of me or anything, but, I do think that he only stays because he thinks he can't do any better.
I want to go back. Back to the way things were in the summer. I was carefree, I had a group of people surrounding me who were supportive. Things just seemed so much simpler.
I don't regret doing anything I've done since the summer, I truly don't.
But I can't help but wonder about what could have been. If I didn't have Brian, would I go to parties every weekend, get wasted, and do careless things? If I were more popular, would Brian still be with me? If I weren't with Brian, would Pete still talk to me? If I hadn't regained 10 pounds that I lost over the summer, would people be more open with me?
I know the answer to the third question.
Pete hasn't stopped talking to me entirely, but it's rare if I talk to him once a week. It used to be every single day. But he got a job. A good job. I'm really happy for him, but I miss him a lot. I think the thing I miss the most about him was his humanity. He was easy for me to talk to, and I didn't care about his flaws at all. They made more intriguing. I still love Pete, and I always will.
Oh, and to clear up any confusion that could result from the last paragraph, the way I love Pete is unique. It's not quite the same love I have for a family, and it's a different type of love than the love I have for Brian. I guess it's the purest form of love, platonic love. The love of a friend.
He may not be the stereotypical "best friend" but he gave me what I needed, and it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what that was.

In conclusion, when Brian finally dumps me, I'll have nobody, and I'll be left to drown in my own tears.

So this is the New Year...and I don't feel any different.

2006-03-08T20:30:00.000-05:00

Hi there...Does this thing still work?
I'm trying to remember why I stopped blogging in the first place, and I can't quite remember. I can tell you why I'm starting again.
Ever since the beginning of December I've been going through a bunch of emotional swings, and I'm never really happy. I'm always moody and bitchy, and I don't think I'm very fun to be with. So, I thought about what I did before I was in this state, and I think my lack of blogging contributed to my situation. I don't know if this will make me feel any better, but, I'll give it a try.
So, let's catch up, shall we?
The Christmas Party in December, for lack of a better word, sucked.
The Holidays were pretty decent...I went another week without Brian, and it was tough.
Guitar Ensemble concert in January, had to speak to a person I thought I'd never have to deal with again.
February was fun. Valentine's Day was the best ever. Brian and I had our six month anniversary, which was also amazing. My sixteenth birthday was on the 25th. Good stuff.
I'm still completely and totally in love with Brian, and I hope he's still in love with me.
We're doing Camelot as our spring musical. Brian is Merlyn, and I had nothing to do with it. The show is progressing rather well, but we're crunched for time since we started late and haven't even begun constructing the set. It shall be fun.
Did I mention Brian got into college? Rider!
It's not too far.
I'll post more later.

Would I be out of line, if I said I miss you....

2005-11-27T19:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, I sincerely appologize for not posting in this thing for almost two weeks now. Although, nobody reads it so I guess its ok. Where should I begin?
Wednesday the 16th of November I went to Barnes and Noble in Princeton to meet Ted from Queer Eye. He was very amusing, and his cook book is superb. He's a very charming man and I'd enjoy having him as a friend because he's funny, and very calm.. He's got this cynical and sarcastic way about him, and it reminds me of me sometimes.
Anyway, that evening I got very ill, and I stayed home from school on Thursday and Friday, and spent the majority of Thursday throwing up. Lovely, no? When I wasn't hunched over the toilet spilling my guts, I was knitting and watching Lifetime. I accomplished a lot of knitting.
Saturday the 19th, I got my hair cut. It's now about 2 or 3 inches shorter. Then in the afternoon I went out shopping with my dad and accomplished a lot there too. At that point I had only my friends to shop for. After that lovely excursion I started another knitting project and then Brian and I made plans to hang out at his house and then go out to dinner with his family. We attempted to watch some movies and then went out. After a while in traffic, we finally arived at a Chinese Buffet type thing, and enjoyed some okay Chinese food. Then we returned to his home, and attempted to watch more movies, but ended up just being together, which is better than any movie anybody could possibly imagine.
On Sunday my mom and I went out and bought yarn for more knitting fun, and then Brian came over for dinner. The two of us discovered that we are both indeed ticklish, and we both took advantage of this. He also payed up several times. Sunday was one of the best nights of my life.
Monday was the typical guitar situation, and I really would have prefered not to be there. It was the three month anniversary of Brian and I, and although we had makeshift celebrations on Sunday and Tuesday, I would have liked to have been with him. Well, I would always LOVE to be with him, but Monday was special.
Tuesday my mom and I dropped Poo Dog off at the kennel and then picked Brian up and he came back to our abode. He payed up some more and we watched some television. I love him.
Wednesday....sucked. I left for Massachusetts and I missed Brian the entire time, even before I left. In school, even holding his hand, I missed him. I felt like crying all day and the entire weekend. Even though I called him every night, it still wasn't the same.
So as you have probably gathered, I spent the weekend with my relatives in Massachusetts. I don't remember all that much of what happened because most of the time I was miserable because I wasn't with him. I did knit a bunch though, and accomplished almost all of my Christmas shopping.

Now I'm preparing for my Christmas party which is on the 16th, and missing Brian.
I'm sorry for this post being so vague, I'm sorry for not posting, I'm sorry for everything.

I'm waiting for tonight, then waiting for tomorrow, and I'm somewhere in between...

2005-11-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

So since I fail at blogging, I shall start at Thursday.
There was no school because of the teachers convention, so I spent the majority of my day in bed. I straightened my hair and went out with Brian in the evening. We went to the Olive Garden to use my gift card, and our waitress thought he was a girl. After a rather short dinner, we walked in the cold to the Brunswick Square Mall, where we had an hour and a half to kill before we saw Zorro. Aimless wandering occured, and then we went through a maze to find the theatre. The movie was rather comical. ANTONIO BANDERAS!
Friday I cleaned my room, knit, and watched the Golden Girls Marathon on Lifetime. I then went to Brian's house for an evening in which we watched a grand total of THREE list movies. The Breakfast Club, Don Juan DeMarco, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Grrrrrreat movies. I then had to go to my dad's house, where I was miserable.
On Saturday my dad made me go out to breakfast at the diner, and made me eat all of my nasty omlette because he thinks I have an eating disorder. Then he made me start Christmas shopping, and I did pretty well. I then went home, talked to Brian for an hour on the phone, went to church, and then went to pick up Brian. My dad and I took him to Shogun, which is one of my favorite restaurants. However, I felt cheated because our hibachi chef was white. It's not the full experience unless he's Japanese, or at the very least ASIAN. I cought the zucchini cube on the first try! Yay me. Food was good. We then took Brian home, and I was sad.
Sunday I made dinner for Brian. I thought it sucked, especially the soup. Whatever. He got himself into more debt than ever, and he's just gonna have to repay it.
Yesterday I had guitar ensemble, and then had to sit through a Project Graduation meeting, where I had the best ideas. I run the god damn organization. AND IM NOT EVEN A SENIOR.

Today school sucked, and I'm not gonna get into it. I'm just looking forward to dying hair and being with Brian tonight, and then meeting Ted from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy tomorrow.

Under My Thumb?

2005-11-09T19:51:00.000-05:00

Soo....
Monday I went to school, and did the typical double guitar thing that I will do every monday for the rest of the year. However, my Pete showed up at ensemble, and it made me smile. The love I have for Pete is so pure and platonic. It's really a beautiful thing.
Yeah, I know that was corny, SHUT UP!
Yesterday, school equates to gay. After school we kidnapped Brian and I got Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on DVD because that's what I do. Every time a Johnny Depp movie comes out in theatres, I see it that day. When it comes out on DVD I buy it that day. Obsessive? Yes. But that's how things work. After buying it, we went to Houlihan's, and I ate my smashed taters. There was a baby with a hat like mine, and it made everyone smile.
We returned to my house, and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Poo Dog joined us for a while, and did this gay thing with his paw. It was slightly adorable, yet flaming homosexual. I love my dog.
I was glad that Brian liked the movie. Very very glad.
There is also a new rule. Every time Brian says "fabulous" he has to kiss me to prove he isn't gay. But I'm not complaining.

Today was also pretty gay. I fell asleep in chemistry. When I got home I made a Brian Box. Then I had to go out with my dad, and I ate more than I can handle so he would stop saying that I have an eating disorder. Now I feel sick, but I'm sure I'll be better after I digest a little bit.

4 day weekend!!!!!!!!!!

This is not my idea of a good time...

2005-11-06T20:16:00.000-05:00

But last night was.
Despite my poor attitude during the day because of the fact I was forced to work ANOTHER Rutgers game against my will, I managed to enjoy myself last night. Actually, I think it was one of the most thoroughly enjoyed nights of my life.
My mom and I went to pick up Brian, and then we went to Hunan Delight to get some Chinese Foo(ooooooooooooooooooooooo)d. While they found some stray cats and dogs to turn into "chicken" and "pork" we went to Blockbuster to get some flicks. Brian and I settled on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Resevoir Dogs. We actually managed to get not one but TWO movies off of the infamous list.
We picked up the food, went home, and discovered that they messed up Brian's order, and I got mad, and wanted to send it back, but he refused, and actually enjoyed it.
We watched both movies and a little bit of Beavis and Butt-head. Twas truly great.
I came up with some fun terms.
Fart Knocker
Ass Goblin
Turd Burglar
Crap Snatcher (a synonym of Turd Burglar)
Shit Stealer/Thief (also synonyms)

Brian developed a pain in his side which I hope has gone away by now.

Today I woke up and showered, and then my mom and I went to IHOP like we usually do on Sunday mornings. We went to the Woodbridge mall for a fun filled day of shopping and a lot of stuff was bought. As the day progressed, my mom felt ill.
On our way home Brian called me and invited me over, and I got all excited because I was going to spend more time with him.
When we got home I did my math homework, and then Brian told me our plans would be delayed for a little bit. Not a problem.
As the minutes passed by, my stomach started to hurt. It hurt so much that I had to lay down. While in bed, Brian called, and I had to tell him that I should stay home. I really was looking forward to spending the evening with him. But, when I look at what occured tonight, I think its good that I stayed home.
I stayed in bed for a while, and then decided to watch Lost in La Mancha, which my mother rented. I felt worse and worse as time went by, and thought it might be a good idea to take a shower. So I did.
When I stepped out of the shower I felt dizzy and my head hurt a lot. I ended up throwing up and now my stomach feels better. My head still hurts like a bitch though.

Tonight sucked, but at least I didn't make a mess when I threw up.

Something in the way...

2005-11-04T22:56:00.000-05:00

I really do suck at blogging.
SO, Tuesday night, I went back to school and passed out papers at an audition for a show that isn't happening, so I basically wasted 3 hours of my life that I will NEVER get back. At least Chris and I got to catch up on Chris And Becky Bonding. That kid is funny as hell. Dee De Dee!
Wednesday I went to guitar ensemble, and rocked my section. Then Jenna's mom took me home. She bought me ice cream! Jenna's Mom is almost as cool as Becky's Mom.
Yesterday, I made dinner for Brian, and while he seemed to like it, I thought it sucked. The potatoes were gritty, the pork chops were dry, but the broccoli was good. Damnit, I can't do anything right. After dinner and a large amount of deliberation, we started watching Pirates of the Caribbean on TV, and payed little to no attention to it. GASP! I didn't pay attention to a Johnny Depp Movie!!! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!?!?!?!
Today was a shortened day, because they decided to waste another 2 hours of my life I will NEVER get back with a Pep Rally. STUPIDEST INVENTION EVER. At least Brian sat in my section with the sophomores, and I got to be with my Michaela.
Tonight, I went with Brian, Robby, Billy, Amanda, Gibbi, Jeff, and his lady friend Jessica, to Bennigan's where I told them of squid sex. We then mosied on over to the movies, and after some slick moves on Brian's part, we saw Jarhead. The movie disturbed me. My grandfather and uncle were both Marines. My grandfather faught in the Korean War, and my uncle got back from serving in Iraq as a chaplain a couple months ago. The movie affected me, and in a negative way. I'm seriously bothered now.
I know that what they showed in the movie is nothing compared to what they went through, but it did make me realize that they do have to deal with what they experienced for the rest of their lives. There was some fucked up shit. If you think about it, the Gulf War, which was the topic of the movie, is nothing compared to the Korean War and what's going on in Iraq.
I don't exactly know what to say.

A Comforting Lie can't last...

2005-11-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

Soooo.........
Friday night, I went out with Brian and his parents to The Lone Star SteakHouse, and I of course rebelled and got pork chops, which are not to be mistaken for chicken. The waiter was terrible, and he kept reaching in front of my face. Stories of dysfunction were told, and the waiter failed to offer coffee. Silly Goose. We then made our way to the Bridgewater Mall where Brian and I were as usual, indecisive, so we just wandered aimlessly for a while and visited Stuart at Spencers. Twas mighty fun.
I then went home, packed, and went to my dad's house.
Saturday morning, my father woke me up and told me that I was to go out to breakfast with him. I went to the diner and have more coffee than he felt was necesarry, and not enough for me. I had the chocolate chip pancakes. They were kinda sucktacular. On my way out I spotted Brian and his father. I stopped and talked for approximately a minute.
Later that day, Brian called me and informed me that his clan was going out to dinner, and I was invited. Yay! We went to Chili's, and then to the Rt. 18 Market, where I showed Brian where I buy my posters and we found a Fidel Castro doll.
We all made our way back to his humble abode, where he and I began watching some flick about Mexicans and baseball. Then and unwelcomed guest showed up for a split second, and I ended up having a kinda sucktacular hour and ten minutes...but we won't get into that.
Sunday morning I called my mom while my dad was golfing, and we went to IHOP which is only a billion times better than the diner. After our little outing, I went back to bed, and then later went to Brian's house where we attempted to knock some movies off of The List. We succeeded, to a degree. We watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES) but split it in half because we went out to A&S for dinner half way through. During our dinner outing, Robby made sure to inform my mother that they had me in the backseat. Heh. Upon returning to his house, Brian and I finished Fear and Loathing, and then we watched parts of Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Johnny Depp, AND Antonio Banderas! You know that is automatically and AWESOME movie. Of course I had seen it a billion times because of Mr.Depp.
Yesterday was Halloween. Brian was rather adorable as a slice of pizza. In school my Asian Student Teacher said that he had the best costume, and I couldn't help but giggle. After school I went to guitar, and then Brian came over and we went trick or treating. He was surprised that we got massive amounts of candy. He failed to realize that I am a Master trick or treater, and that getting massive amounts of candy is my objective. I wasn't dressed as anything in particular, but everyone liked his Pizza. Although, one old man called him and Oil Cloth.
We returned to my house, and watched most of Cry Baby, which is another super Johnny Depp movie. He was frightened by Hatchet Face, as most people should be.
Today school sucked balls, and I have to be back there at 6 for some sort of play thing, whatever. I recieved some information that is slightly bothersome, and I don't exactly know what to make of it. Theres a bunch of stuff going around in my head, and none of it makes me doubt Brian for an instant, but it makes me question myself. I don't want to lose him. I don't want anyone to think that I would do anything to hurt him. It's really hard to explain. All I know is that I love him, no matter what anyone else has to say about it. I love him.

I am hanging on every word you say...

2005-10-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

Today...Today...I don't really remember anything except for tonight.
I made dinner for Brian, and then we watched Abott and Costello because I was an uncultured person. Twas rather funny. I shared my poem with him, and then we watched some of I Love the 80s 3D on VH1.
Everything is kinda blurry, because he does something to me that I can't explain. It makes me incapable of thinking.

It's a good thing I don't have to worry about quantum numbers tonight.

And now for an Interesting Peice of (Interweb) Literature...

2005-10-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

Where shall I begin?
On Saturday my mom and I went out to IHOP and then proceeded to buy pumpkins. I had the genius idea of buying a thirty pound pumpkin. We brought said pumpkins home, went out to the Ghetto Market on Rt. 18 to buy posters, bought said posters (Bob Dylan, and the Princess Bride) and an awesome hanging lantern from Turkey, came home, showered, cleaned my room, and then called Brian. Eventually the boy came over and carved his first pumpkin. It's so cute. Mine is kweer. Anyway...afterwards we went upstairs, and I gave him a ninja turtles pin and the CD I made for him. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed it. My mommy made pizza for dinner, and then Brian and I watched Grosse Point Blank, missed the ending, and then watched the end of Grease on TV. Then twas time for him to go home and I was sad.
Until...
I recieved a call from him on Sunday afternoon asking me to go somewhere. It turned out that we went to Colonial Park for a picnic. Coincidentally, that was the first place we ever went together. Granted there were other people there, but we still visited the locations we went to that one day way back in August. We observed the waterfowl, and it was alltogether a lovely and wonderful day. It was a bit chilly, but that's ok. I had to go home though, because math homework kills weekends.
Monday I had a day full of guitar. I had my guitar lesson, and then had a quick bite to eat at Wendy's, and then went to guitar ensemble. My fingers hurt, and I felt like they were bleeding, but they weren't.
Yesterday, school was dumber than usual. This kind in my spanish class made sure to point out that my "boobs are white as hell." Why thank you, incase you didn't notice, I'm white as hell. Brian accompanied me to my second period class, which made me smile. The rest of the day before lunch is kinda a blur, except for Aspects of Video, because it smelled like coffee, and me and Matt were craving coffee. Lunch was funny, but I felt bad about making fun of Brian so much. Chemistry confused me, and I don;t understand why we're learning about quantum numbers and all of that "fun stuff" in chemistry when that's usually covered in physics. Ok, anyway. Brian gave me not one but TWO interesting peices of literature before History. History...blah...Then I went home. After coming home my mom and I went out to buy a new mixer, and then we wandered aimlessly around Barnes and Noble for several hours, while trying to avoid my ex sister in law's brother. Fun fun fun!
Today...Brian dressed up as a surfer, thus causing me to have "Surf Wax America" by Weezer stuck in my head for the majority of today. I got my poem about Brian back from Mr.Brombach and he liked it a lot. He wants to hang it up in class. Grrrreat. Ok. So...I actually exerted myself while playing badminton today. My new hat got awesome reviews from all who saw it. MY HISTORY CLASS DECIDED TO SUCK! Now I have a massive book and massive amounts of work every night. RAWR. Grr....Now I am tired, and I have to go to my dad's tonight...so...GRRROAR!!!
The End.

Believe it or not, hands on a miracle...

2005-10-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

Today, October 21, 2005 marks the 2 month anniversary of Brian and I. I wish I could write something poetic and pretty to describe how happy I am, but I suck at writing. All I can say is that I love him more than anything.
I'm only sorry that the past week or so has been pretty suck ass. And that tonight wasn't about the two of us.
I want to make it up to him, and I will, because he is so god damn awesome. He deserves more than I could ever give, but I'm going to try my hardest to make every day as special for him as it is for me when he's involved.

Less Than Three
<3

This is such a pity, we should give all our love to each other...

2005-10-19T20:27:00.000-05:00

So the past few days have pretty much sucked. I actually got to spend time with Brian on Monday night, although we discussed some pretty heavy things, and I was paranoid about being punished. Before I got in trouble with my mom I was enjoying being with him. After she called me it was hard to think about being with him because I was so afraid of what she might do to me.
I'd like to thank Brian for being such a great listener and an amazing boyfriend, no matter what he thinks or how hard he is on himself. He's an absolutely perfect boyfriend in my eyes.
Tuesday I was pretty emo all day. My mom and I are pretty much ok, and we went shopping.
Today school was rather uneventful. I went to guitar ensemble at six, and made faces at Parker half the time. My only complaint about guitar ensemble is that Russell showed up and expected me to be all sorts of friendly and touchy feely with him. Do you really honestly think that after calling me a "recycled girlfriend" and messing with my head for almost an entire year, I'm going to be HAPPY to see YOU? Anybody with half a brain would know that I wouldn't be happy. But then again, Russ isn't known for thinking with his brain.
Anywho, I saw some really awesome peoples at guitar like my lover Jenna, and Curt, Anthony, Nickbennett, Marlon, Kristina, Sam Anderson, Patrick, Parker, Jen and Priyam.

Did I hurt you? Are you ok?

2005-10-16T19:07:00.000-05:00

Saturday was pretty messed up. I had PSAT's in the morning, and then I talked to Pete afterwards. I went to my dad's house, took a brief nap, called Brian, and then went to Peacefest. My dad took Brian and I, and Pete, Rob, and Robby followed in Pete's sexy Jeep.
Once there, I acted like a total bitch. I got some awesome pictures though. I hate the way I acted, and looking back on it makes me want to run away.
Goosey was decent, everyone else sucked basically. Greg Williams scared me by dancing. Brian got henna. J Paul an Curt angered me by making fun of Pete's sexy Jeep and getting chocolate cake on my Foo hoody, and Brian's jacket.
After Peacefest, we took Brian home, and I went out with Pete, Rob and Robby to the diner and felt pretty messed up about that. We stopped by Adam's and discovered that I can BS with the best of them because of the way I lied to my dad.
I got home, e-mailed Brian, cried a bit, then went to bed.

Today was pretty sucktacular as well. I spent most of the day in bed, cried a little more, showered, went out to celebrate my brother and sister's birthdays. While at Friday's I was attacked because I eat meat, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, my clothes were too colorful and didn't match, and because I'm a slut. Fun fun fun.
At least my hair looked ok.

There Goes My Hero...

2005-10-16T17:23:00.000-05:00

Friday night was quite very possibly the best night of my life.
There was an opening band, Hot Hot Heat. I'd heard of them before, and I was surprised by how awesome they are as a live act. The lead singer reminds me of Mick Jagger in his mannerisms and enthusiasm.
Then Weezer!!! Oh. My. God. They blew me away. They opened with "Say it Ain't So." I stared getting teary because it was so awesome. Their set list went as follows:
Say it Ain't So
Perfect Situation
Don't Let Go
My Name is Jonas
Dope Nose
This is Such a Pity
Big Me (FOO COVER!!!)
The Damage in Your Heart
Why Bother?
El Scorcho
We Are All on Drugs
Surf Wax America
Beverly Hills
Photograph
Song 2
Island in the Sun
Undone-The Sweater Song
Hash Pipe
Buddy Holly
I called Brian and let him listen to "Don't Let Go," "Why Bother?" and "El Scorcho." During Hash Pipe there was an explosion of confetti with Weezer W's printed on it, and I collected about 5 pieces of it. "Island in the Sun" was played acoustic by Rivers, who looked absolutely adorable in his sweater.
After a brief intermission to allow the roadies to set up for my lovers, the Foo Fighters went on. They opened with "In Your Honor" and I literally started bawling. I couldn't control the tears, but I didn't care because it was so god damn amazing and I was so lucky to be there. Their set was awesome, even though they didn't play anything acoustic except for Taylor's song "Cold Day in the Sun." The set list was as follows:
In Your Honor
All My Life
My Hero
Up in Arms
Best of You
Learn to Fly
Times Like These
Stacked Actors
DOA
Cold Day in the Sun
The One
Break Out
Everlong
Tie Your Mother Down (Featuring Roger Taylor of Queen on drums!!! This was also sung by Taylor)
Monkey Wrench
Okay, so I was pretty much crying through the entire set, because I love that band more than almost anything. I was 10 yards away from Dave Grohl when he came out into the audience during "Stacked Actors." I nearly fainted because he is my hero. I felt honored to recieve a rock n' roll enema courtesy of Dr. G.
The lighting was sexy as hell too.
I bought a Foo Fighters hoody, a T Shirt, and a poster thats so huge that I don't know if it will fit on any of my walls.
That concert was amazing. I want to thank Weezer and the Foo Fighters for making such awesome music. They're all amazing musicians, and they rock my world. I screamed all of the lyrics to every song at the top of my lungs, and woke up with a killer sore throat but it was totally worth it because I love them.

To top it all off there was a gay couple sitting in front of me, and they were adorable.

I gave my heart to rock 'n' roll

2005-10-13T19:42:00.000-05:00

I think anyone that knows me will agree that this pretty much is me. Sitting somewhere, listening to my iPod. It's true. My music is me.

There's a song by this Swedish band called The Sounds, where the lyrics go "I gave my heart to rock 'n' roll," and I think that's what I did.

Granted I gave my heart away to Brian too, but my first love will always be music.

This picture was from a get together at Pooja's house over the summer. Notice the brown hair. Notice my bangs are all nice and long. Notice my necklace still has paint on the beads. Notice I'm wearing green eyeshadow. Notice the sunglasses on top of my head. Notice how I don't look like that.

Everybody's gonna be happy, which means you and me my love...

2005-10-13T19:25:00.000-05:00

Becky says AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
After a draining day at school yesterday, and much confusion as to what our plans were, I went out to dinner with Brian and his family. We went to Fuddruckers, and I had a buffalo burger. Brian was more daring and had the ostrich. His family amuses me emensely, and I'm pretty sure they like me too. "CHEESE ME, ROBBY!!!"
After the fun dining experience, Brian and I returned to my humble abode and watched High Fidelity. He has now seen what might be my favorite movie of all time ever. I don't know. A lot of movies are up for that title. But anyway, he compared our relationship to that of Rob Gordon and Charlie Nickleson, and I had to agree that its parallel if you look at it from his point of view, but I don't think it's like that. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed the movie.
Afterwards we watched Mind of Mencia and 2 episodes of South Park followed by a little bit of Drawn Together. Then Poo Dog decided to pee right by the back door rather than scratching to go outside to do his business. "That's Juan's dog, not mine."
We then waited outside for Brian's madre, and then she came to pick him up, and I went back inside and was sad and lonely. I put on my Tinkerbell pajama pants and my Miracle Worker hoody, briefly spoke to Brian online, and then went to bed like an emo kid.
Today we had off from school because the purpose of Jewish holidays is to give me days off. I spent most of the day in bed, thinking of Brian, because I had a kinda wierd dream about him. Let's just say something that couldn't possibly have happened as of yet happened in my dream and it felt rather odd and realistic.
Anyway...my mom and I were supposed to go to the mall, but we couldn't and I forget why. Then I went to dinner with my dad, and here I am, being all emo again.

Ch-ch-ch-changes, turn to face the strange...

2005-10-11T19:37:00.000-05:00

So I finally posted a picture of my hair. This is the best one that I like. This is from when I re-dyed it on Sunday.

I've been looking through my photos tonight, and remembering the way things felt.
I found pictures of Pete from when I felt like he was the ONLY person I could talk to, even if we were just joking around.
I found pictures of Gen from when we would stay up all night acting retarded together.
I found pictures of Brian from when he thought I hated him, and I thought he hated me, and I used to chase him around the old high school...and run into doors.
I found pictures of Chris. Tons of Chris. Chris being silly mostly. They made me remember the time when Stage Crew was my life, and that was the only thing that mattered. When Crew was the only thing I had going for me. I remember feeling uncomfortable when I wasn't with any of them. The crew provided me with a sense of security and belonging. I probably felt the safest and most secure when I was with Pete or Chris, or both of them.
Which leads to pictures from the Cast Party of My Fair Lady. I remember very little from that night, probably because I was so tired. I remember taking a nap, but I don't recall taking any of the pictures I have. The picture of me with Chris probably exemplifies the happiness I felt that night. It's one of the only pictures I have of myself where I look happy and as if I don't care about anything. I remember that feeling.
Of course the photographs of Emily, Courtney, and of course Kristen make me remember when everything in my life was so much simpler. We could all have fun. Kristen was still in New Jersey, we didn't have different groups of friends that complicated things. We were everything to each other. That care free feeling no longer exists. We're all different, we all changed. I'm completely happy with my life right now, trust me, but I can't help but want that feeling back.
I've looked through pictures of myself, and noticed the way my appearance has changed. It makes me remember exactly what I was going through at the times the photographs were taken. Remembering these things make me think too much, and when I think too much, I get sentimental and emotional.
I feel all emo now.

You should expect several photo posts.

It is now my duty to completely drain you...

2005-10-11T14:23:00.000-05:00

So today...once again...sucked for the most part.
All classes sucked, every single one.
Guitar was sucky because I was without my Jenna. I auditoned for ensemble, and I think I did okay. If I don't get in, I'm going to be pretty bummed. 35 people auditoning for 15 spots. I hope I did well enough. I should be more confident seeing as I have 3 years of private lessons backing me up, but I think I messed up a couple times.
So yeah...
My mom won't let me have Brian over tonight, she wants to spend some time with me. I guess that's okay. Mother daughter bonding is always fun.
Now I do homework and play guitar!
Hooray! (or not because there's no Brian on my schedule tonight)

Hangin' Around in the Lost and Found...

2005-10-10T17:34:00.000-05:00

Soo....I'm really sucktackular at this blogging thing. Hopefully I'll start posting daily like I used to.
Sunday my mom and I went out to breakfast, and then I dyed my hair. I was amused because the black dye I used this time was called Black Pearl, and it made me think of Pirates of the Caribbean which made me think of Johnny Depp, which made me happy. While I had blue on my streaks, Brian called with news! His parents suggested I dye his hair black, so he soon came over and I dyed his hair. Funny thing is, when you look at it against a bright light, it looks purply blue, and in school it looks very purple. I also gave the boy a quick hair cut, and then made fun of him for looking like a Scene Kid.
We listened to Garbage, Nirvana, and some Bowie, and then
"You know how I know you're gay? You listen to Coldplay."
I kept over-quoting the 40 Year Old Virgin, and it was established that I'm gayer than Brian because I listen to more Coldplay.
We had a fun pillow fight, and attempted to watch TV but there was nothing interesting on, so we began watching Grosse Point Blank. I got a phone call from Pete trying to get me to make him cookies. I refused. Not now. Maybe later.
Unfortunately Brian had to leave because I had homework to do.
Today school was pretty much balls. A kid started brushing his teeth in the middle of my Spanish class, and then my partner for the biography project in English switched out of the class, so I have to write her biography as well as my autobiography. Great.... Then guitar was fun as usual. I heart Jenn-A and Curt. We were supposed to get our pictures taken in Gym, but the dude didn't show up, so Spanish Dan and I sat there while Curt listened to my iPod. Spanish Dan is proud of for the way I handled the Russell situation, and while I thought I handled it a little immaturely, I think I was justified. Pre Calc is dumb. Aspects of Video was interesting. I want to actually start using a camera though. I've got a bunch of concepts and I want to use them. Anywho...I saw Matt on my way to lunch, and I saw Marlon too, which makes my day. Well, no actually, being with Brian during lunch makes my day, but seeing Marlon is always good. At lunch much time was spent calling Brian gay, and after doing that I always feel bad. I know he's not gay. Believe me, I KNOW. Anyway...Chemistry confuses me becase Mr.Naegele talks about hamburgers. History was kinda funny because the Asian Student Teacher doesn't know what he's talking about. After history, I saw Brian, and we walked to our busses together with Adam and we were joined by Michaela.
After school I ate an omlet which I had been craving since last night, and then went to guitar, did my homework, and now I'm posting...
Isn't life exciting?

Because I'm bored and lame...

2005-10-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

How to make a lady stardust

Ingredients:
5 parts jealousy
5 parts self-sufficiency
3 parts beauty

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

I hope you have a big trunk...Because I'm putting my bike in it.

2005-10-08T21:28:00.000-05:00

Soo...where shall I begin?
Thursday I could not make dinner for Brian because my mom came home sick and told me I was not to have anybody over.
Yesterday was quite fun. Brian and I went to the mall, and met a girl named Tara a.k.a Breast Cancer in Sam Goody, who talked nerdy to him. On our way out of Sam Goody my flip flop decided to get busted, so we went in pursuit of flip flops, and found some, and Brian, the sly cat that he is, paid for them, and I ended up being mad about it, and I'm still mad about it. It's one thing to buy me dinner or pay for a movie-boyfriends are supposed to do that. Buying shoes is something that a sugar daddy would do. I don't want it to seem like Brian is my sugar daddy. Anywho...After the mall, we went back to his home and watched some movie that I don't remember. All I remember is Wallace Shawn.
Today we worked the Rutgers game, in the rain, and I was not a happy camper. I came home, showered, made brownies for Pete, talked to Pete for about 15 minutes, and then made plans with Brian. We went to Bennigan's then saw The 40 Year Old Virgin which was funnier the second time I saw it for some reason. Good movie. It impacted Brian a lot and I felt kinda bad. Oh well. After the movie we saw Amanda and Billy.
Amanda and Billy are cool peoples. I get worried that it seems like I try to avoid doing things with them, but that really isn't the case. I don't want it to seem that way, it just always ends up with me and Brian doing something else. I'd be glad to go out with them because they amuse me and I don't know why it never turns out that way. I'm not saying I'm disappointed because I spend time alone with Brian, because believe me, there is NOTHING I would rather do. It's my favorite thing in the entire world. I just don't want it to seem like I'm taking him away from his friends, because I don't want to do that.
Okay, now that I'm having a mental spaz session...I bid ye farewell.

I'm entirely too slow...

2005-10-06T16:37:00.000-05:00

This is a picture from the day of Courtney's Sweet 16, which was almost a month ago. Way to go me.
This doesn't really show off my dress, or my hair, but its the only picture I really feel like posting on the interweb because it's the best one.

She'd shake it up...

2005-10-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

Soooooo......Tuesday.
On Tuesday my mom and I took Brian out for Thai food, and I was incredibly obnoxious in the restaraunt, and I'm surprised nobody kicked me out. The food was good, but they lied to me. They say "Medium VERY SPICEY!" and medium not spicy at all.
Afterwards we stopped by the Rag Shop and such, and I proved that I am an old woman, and he still refused to believe it.
We then returned to my humble abode and watched "Being John Malkovich" but that movie made absolutely no sense, and I still don't know who the hell John Malkovich is, besides the retarded guy in "Of Mice and Men" and the guy being used for lesbian sex in "Being John Malkovich." Because it made no sense, we paid little attention to it. Or perhaps it made no sense because we paid little attention to it?
Anyway.
Yesterday I stayed home because my mom is cool, and my sister and Juan came up and replaced our kitchen floor so it's pretty now.
Today, school sucked, and I didn't eat lunch because of Chem Lab, and I also didn't get to see my beloved Pete (Long Haired Man) and everyone else did, and now I'm sad. But I'm looking forward to making dinner for Brian, or as Adam calls him "Blue Haired Boy."

And thennnnnnnn....?

2005-10-04T15:53:00.000-05:00

So yesterday school was kinda suck ass, but I love guitar and aspects of video, and lunch.
Last night I had Adam, Michaela, and of course Brian over for dinner. I made a tasty lasagna, and everyone noted how wierd it was to actually eat dinner at a table. (Now I could do another corny public service announcement type post about the importance of sharing dinner with your family, but then I'd be full of shit.) The lasagna was a huge success, and then we watched some TV, and then Michaela unfortunately had to leave, and after her departure, the three of us put on "Dude, Where's My Car?" And at eleven Adam had to leave, but Brian and I finished the movie.
I love my friends.

She aches just like a woman, but she breaks just like a little girl...

2005-10-02T19:33:00.000-05:00

So Bob Dylan is my new obsession...yeah...
Interperet those lyrics any way you'd like to, and expect more in the future.

Let's sum up evertyhing that has occured in the past few days:
Thursday: Went shopping with my mommy after school. I was really cold.
Friday: Brian was freed from Auschwitz, so I went to his house and we went to Inman park where we watched people play tennis, and we actually got to play on swings after talking about swings for over a month. We walked to the softball field, and I exposed my past involving softball. Then we returned to his house, and watched Baby's Day Out and Scary Movie 3. In Baby's Day Out, the baby goes everywhere in the book by the same title! I get it! Scary Movie 3 is best when watching it with the person you are completely and totally in love with. After that movie we had half an hour before my dad's token "I be here" call, so we just kinda layed there, and he thought I fell asleep. No sleeping was done until I got home.
I love smothering!
Saturday: Went shopping for my brother and sister's birthdays, and then went home and waited for plans to be finalized. Eventually, Brian, Robby, Adam and I went to Bennigans and were ambushed by Rae and Dennis. The ambush was welcomed. After much diliberation, it was decided that Flightplan was not necessary, so we drove over to the movie theater with Dennis in the trunk and after avoiding a run in with the po po, we decided that nothing was worth seeing. We went to CVS and read some interesting magazines, and I bought glow sticks for Robby. We all crammed into Rae's car and went to the Woodbridge mall, where nobody but Dennis bought anything. We made a pit stop at TJMaxx, and then ater much confusion we returned to Adam's humble abode. We all went home, and I had a headache so went to bed promptly.
Today my headache still existed, and I slept most of the day.

You say it's your birthday...

2005-09-28T14:11:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURTNEY!!!
So, even though her Sweet 16 was like, 3 weeks ago, its Courtney's birthday today.
Oh. My. God. I LOVE THIS GIRL!
Courtney has been one of my best friends for eleven years. I cannot imagine my life without this chick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Becky says ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

If you're Antonio Banderas am I Melanie Griffith?

2005-09-26T19:56:00.000-05:00

Oy...OK.
So Friday I went to see Corpse Bride with my mom because she truly is one of the coolest people ever. Afterwards we went to the Ragshop and bought a book of knitting patterns. KNITTING!!!!!!!!
Saturday I went to Adam's house, gave Pete his hat as a present for getting a new (kick ass) job, and waited for Pooja to retrieve Adam and I to go see the Corpse Bride. What luck! Brian pulls up just as we're getting into Pooja's car! Hooray! An interesting ride to the movie theater ensues, and I continue to ask Brian if he's gay. I know he is not...or is he? Anyway...We reach the theater, and the inevitable Brian/Becky "I'm paying!" "No you're not!" argument occurs, and I finally cave an allow him to pay. We watch the movie, and Adam and Brian gather that the Corpse Bride is sexy and that they would both tap that. "She has a hole in her ribs!!!" After the movie, we went to Bennigan's and Adam tried to pick up a waitress...or spoke of trying to get her number but never actually tried. Brian kept insisting that he is Antonio Banderas, and I had to wonder if that makes me Melanie Griffith or if it makes Antonio Banderas a pedophile... Anywho. No dessert, booo.....Brian tried to prevent me from paying, and he lost because I contributed money. O DIP! After Bennigan's, Pooja dropped the three of us off at Adam's and we chilled for a while. Brian and Adam played some sort of video game, and I sat there being a pillow for Brian. Twas fun.
Sunday I woke up at 4 A.M which is earlier than the ass crack of dawn, and I had to go to Rutgers to work Project Graduation's concession stand for the Dalai Lama's speech. That was rather tiring, but I brought home a spork for Brian. After I got home I immediately crashed and didn't wake up for another four hours.
Today was rather boring. I went to school, had fun in guitar and lunch, came home, went to my guitar lesson, bought bleach, and bought a new purse, did my homework, and here I am.

Plans tomorrow night?
Hopefully.

Why are you guilty for the way you're feeling now?

2005-09-22T19:44:00.000-05:00

Monday was mucho funo. I had Brian over and I made dinner. Apple Pork Chops with broccoli and mashed potatoes. It was rather good, even though I'm incapable of making decent mashed potatoes. I love cooking for Brian. It's one of my favorite activities. After dinner we watched most of Pirates of the Caribbean in honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day. Twas fun.

Tuesday...blah. Went to the mall with my mom. That's about it.

Wednsday should get its own post, and I appologize for having to put it in this one. School was basically DUMB AS HELL. But, Brian being the amazingly amazing person he is made our anniversary just about the best thing ever. He took me to the mall, and bought me lunch. Then we went back to his house and he gave me the sweetest gifts ever. A CD full of songs that he chose especially for me and chocolate that he made himself (EVEN A CHOCOLATE STICK!!!). I honsetly felt like crying because it was so sweet and I felt like an awful person because all I had to give him was some silly t shirt that he didn't want, and he gave me something adorable and from the heart.
Later on we finished watching that there Pirate flick. Then I entered the family room only to make Robby crack up because I was acting like a crazy person. Becky says AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Then we all went for a walk with Matt, and came home, and then I went home.

Today was just suckyness. I hate all of my classes except for guitar because Jenna rocks my socks. Then I introduced Brian to my dad, which didn't go too poorly in that aspect. I just acted like a total bitch because I can't stand my dad and its impossible for me to be pleasant around him.

I love Brian so much that I'm crying right now. I feel like I've messed EVERYTHING up in the past two days, and I wouldn't blame him if he dumped my ass tomorrow. I want to thank him for being the best boyfriend ever, and treating me better than anyone ever has in my entire life. He deserves a girl much better than me.
I'm so sorry. You all have no idea how sorry I am.

"That leaves hardly any time for dilly dally"

2005-09-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

Well, after a difficult mental experience, this weekend made everything pretty much okay.
Brian and I spent Friday evening together, watching the end of the Princess Bride and Garden State. I love both of those movies and watching them with him made them a billion times better. Especially since he's the only person who could point out that Dungeons and Dragons books were on a shelf in a scene from Garden State. I love my nerd. In fact, I less than three him. He knew exactly how to make me feel good, even though when I went home I sunk back into my "depression" because I never like leaving Brian.
I spent Saturday evening with Miss Emily, seeing The Exorcism of Emily Uffer...I mean Emily Rose. Twas an okay movie, but I could have done without the people who wouldn't shut up through the entire movie. When all was said and done, I enjoy being with Emily because I love her. I'm so glad she's one of my best friends.
Today I snuck out and went to IHOP with my mom. Yes, I'm that hardcore. I sneak out to go out with my mom. Hells yeah. Later on I went out with Brian and his family to Charlie Brown's Steakhouse, and it was a lovely evening, especially when a waiter walked with his arm over Robby's head, while he had a platter on his own head. After a lovely dinner, which I was not allowed to contribute to, we returned to Brian's house, and we spent the rest of the evening walking to the middle school, and then to MacAffe, and arguing about absolutely nothing. It was extremely fun, and there's nobody I would rather be with.

These past four weeks have been the best of my life. Nobody has ever treated me better than Brian, and as much as he hates to admit it, he's amazing. I don't look forward to him eventually, and inevitably getting sick of me like everyone else does. Wedsnday will mark our one month anniversary, and I might be forced to break down and cry because I realize how lucky I am to have him.

Nevermind there's nothing I can do, Bet your life there's something killing you...

2005-09-15T20:19:00.000-05:00

I must say, Pete has been the highlight of my day. This morning he showed up at my door at 10, slightly wet from the rain, with coffee for me. I've got a great big brother figure. I don't even care that he saw me in my Pink Floyd pajamas and Nirvana hoody, looking a mess. He's just awesome. We sat and talked for 2 hours, and drank coffee.
After that my day kinda sucked, besides talking to Brian briefly.

Lately some stuff has been bothering me, and I don't exactly know how to phrase it. There's a lot going on, and not all of it is bad, but a majority of it is. Right now, Brian is the best thing I've got going for me. I just can't be sure of most everyone else. I mean, yeah, I've got Pete, and Emily and I are really close. I've got friends, but I just have trust issues right now. Nobody really did anything to make me question their trustworthiness, I just don't feel like I can let myself tell anybody anything. I can trust some people, I just don't want to burden them.

...I don't want to be alone tonight.

INCONCIEVABLE!

2005-09-14T21:42:00.000-05:00

So where do I begin?
Monday was amazing. Brian's hair is the best thing I've ever laid eyes upon, and I love it. Mine ain't too shabby either, but I love his hair almost as much as I love him. After I dyed our hair blue, we enjoyed some Pinkerton, because it's become one of our favorite CDs.
What's the color of the sky?
Kurt Cobain.
After Brian left I was sad, and I dyed the rest of my hair black, so now it's black and blue, and kinda green at the roots of the blue. I'm planning on posting pictures later. But then again, I keep saying I'll post pictures of stuff and I never get around to it. Oh well.
Tuesday I did nothing until my mom and I took Brian out to dinner and then to Barnes and Noble. He showed me his geekitude, and I ain't scurred.
A rhombus is a gay square.
Then we came back to my place and watched the Princess Bride until his mom came to pick him up. That's another movie added to the list simply because we didn't finish it...SO THERE!
Today I went into the Middle School, which is the old F.H.S. and I helped Mrs.Letinski set up her room. I got paid...w00t!
Then when I got home I learned that us crazy high school kids don't start until next Wednsday because the school is not finished. Thus, I went to Adam's house to celebrate.
While there, Brian and I became physically violent...he started it.
Matt amused me emmensily.
Pete also amused me, especially when we watched the show about coffee.
Adam amused me as well.
Well, actually, I'm easily amused.

Now I'm looking forward to another week of freedom, and I will post something worth reading later.

Oh so very tired.

2005-09-12T12:29:00.000-05:00

I'm getting to be really bad with blogging...

Friday: Gen and Brian came over and I made dinner. Pasta, zucchini, squash, peppers, and broccoli in an alfredo sauce. It was my first time making alfredo sauce and I must say, it turned out quite well.
Then we went bowling, and had some interesting people on both sides. I didn't allow Brian to pay for me, which made him angry. Brian let me win...even though he claims that he had nothing to do with it. Bowling with bumpers is great, especially for Gen and I because we are special.
12.50 and a pie?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And then we exposed Brian to Starbucks, and yes, they do speak and entirely different language. My Mocha Frappachino (MF!) was quite tasty. Once again, I did not let Brian pay because I'm an evil girlfriend.
Back at my place we watched the history channel, and there was a special about Romans, and we stopped to watch it because there was a caption that read "SEX GOD." Bill Clinton popped in there once. And those Romans are kinky...seriously KINKY.
Then everyone went home and I was sad.

Staurday: I got my hair cut, and then styled, and I will post a picture of me later. Big hair is cool, on occasion. Then my mommy and I went to Bennigans and I had ribs. After that I just kinda sat around the house until it was time for me to get dressed and stuff for Court's Sweet 16. So I did that, and then went to Miss Emily's house and she looked sooooooooooo cute!!!
We went to the party, and had a marvelous time, and I acquired a fish, named Bob Dylan. I was so glad that Kristen came because I miss that girl more than just about anything.
Then I slept over Miss Emily's house and we made pizzaz, and had lotsa fun, even though I fell asleep during Cast Away.

Sunday: I went shopping with my mommy, and bought new clothes as well as the bleach and dye necessary for Brian and I. Then Courtney and Emily came over and we had fun, even though for a while we were mad tired. I made the same dinner that I made for Brian and Gen. Courtney loves Pretty Women, and Sprite makes her feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

Today: I made pancakes, and chocolate milk. Now I'm waiting to go to guitar, and then dye my hair and Brian's hair. Hooray!

New Hope owns you.

2005-09-08T22:45:00.000-05:00

It does, it really does.

Today I went to New Hope with The Gen and Company. Much fun was had because we are complete idiots. I purchased several things. A DAVE GROHL poster, Betsey Johnson funderwear, Iris insence, a reversible cami, and a present for Brian.
I experienced a train ride in which the wilderness stayed away because it didn't like Gen and my blueberry stick candy turned my teeth green.
We had a marvelous lunch, and mine consisted of a Hoagie. Lol, hoagie.
I tried a chocolate covered frozen banana, and LOVED it.

Sparky Fidget Junior is the best invisible dog ever.

Gen, I love it when you think in terms of Bill Clinton. It brings me clarity.

Tomorrow is going to be the best day ever. And yes, asking me for advice on what to wear is a bad idea.

I get by with a little help from my friends...

2005-09-07T22:00:00.000-05:00

So yeah...
Monday was my mom's birthday and we went to the mall, and then to my sisters apartment where she made dinner. Now, it is a well known fact that I make the tasty lasagna, so what does she make? A not so tasty lasagna. Her's was crap compared to mine. And she started complaining that I "stole her haircut" and that I'm trying to be like her because Brian reminds her of Juan....Stupid bimbo.
I got home and complained about that to Adam, and he assured me that I make good food, and I am not a brick like her.
Tuesday I went to guitar. Then I went home. Then I went to my dad's house. Then I came home again. I talked to Miss Emily on the phone for a while, until my mom made me go upstairs and go to bed. Had I not been talking to Emily on the phone, and Brian online, I might have been okay with it. But no. Two of my favorite people. GRR! But I love talking to Emily. I can tell her anything. It's amazing.
Today I went to Adam's and made a tasty lasagna. Then my flip flop got stolen. We all (excluding Pete, Rob and Emily M.) went to K-mart, and then the dollar store. We walked around for a while, and then encountered the other 3 in the trees. Then they all went elsewhere. Brian and I returned to Adam's house, while Pete, Rob and Emily were at Pete's house. Then I came home after disappointing Robby when I did not do the Fudgey Brownies dance for him. Brian saw it 3 times. So there! Hahaha.
I love my friends.
I love Brian.
I less than three Brian.

Such a perfect situation...

2005-09-04T21:31:00.000-05:00

So yeah...my life is only a bajillion times better than yours!!!
Tuesday: Adam's where I chilled with Adam (duh) Pete, Brian, Robby, and Rob, and eventually Palko. I unleashed my quesadillas and rocked their world. I hopped a fence wearing flip flops because I'm hardcore, and I got beaten up because I'm not so hardcore. Good times.
Wednsday: Ok, so this day was kinda kweer because I went to dinner with my dad, but I bought my mom's birthday present.
Thursday: I made fudgey brownies (*does fudgey brownies dance for Brian*), and sex cookies, and brought them to Adam's. Then I yet again hopped a fence in flip flops, bought chocolate, and then we all proceeded to the girl scout camp and had another camp fire. Pete remained my hero. We all looked at the stars for a while, and I was attacked and tickled. While there we made smores (mine involved sex cookies rather than graham crackers) and took a kick ass picture of me as the recycled girlfriend. Word.
Friday: Talked to Gen basically all day, then went shopping with my mom and got a new pair of jeans, a new pair of Roos which are an obnoxious green, and a new blue top that Brian helped me pick out over the phone. Then I went to my dad's house, and was just kinda "ehhhh" until I watched Heathers and Cry Baby.
Saturday: Unfortunately plans with Miss Emily were cancelled, but I did buy my shoes for Court's sweet 16, and then went bowling with Chris, Sara, Pooja, Gen, Will, Otto, Scotty and Franco. Its a bad idea to put me and Gen in a room full of balls. "Hey Gen, I've got blue balls for you." "I LOVE DANIEL!!!"(reference to The Other Sister...only movie in which Juliette Lewis is any good). Even though I suck at bowling, I want to go again because it was fun as hell. When I got home I watched the South Park movie and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Sunday: Sleep, dinner at 2 in the afternoon (wtf?), Brian's. We watched The Patriot, and we made the movie funny. "EXCRIMENT!!!" Then we walked to MacAffe, and almost got shot.

In other news, this is my 200th post. I feel like I should write something worth reading, so here it goes:
Over the past 8 months, this blog has been with me through a lot. It started when I was going through a sort of depression, and then followed me through stress, a lack of sleep and My Fair Lady. It followed the demise of a "relationship" and chronicled the instances in which I thought I was happy. It's been with me through this summer which has been...dynamic, to say the least. And now it's with me during what could possibly be the happiest time of my life so far. Through good times and bad times, this blog has been there. So here's to another 200 posts, which I'm sure will be about better things, and I promise will be less shallow.

Pshh....I make NO SENSE!

My Boyfriend is Cooler Than Yours!!!

2005-08-29T21:32:00.000-05:00

He most certainly is.

Who else would still talk to me after being exposed to my family and 2 games of Trivial Pursuit? Who else would appologize for things that I'm completely okay with because he thinks I'm uncomfortable? Who else is a complete gentleman? Who else treats me like a lady?
NOBODY, but Brian.

And, he knew the Garden Gnome Liberation Front was thought up by the French. That's pretty damn cool.

"I'll be your Huckleberry."

In other news, my aunt's visit was marvelous, and she is my favorite aunt of all time ever. She arrived on Friday, we went Shopping, and saw The 40 Year Old Virgin. Saturday my mom, my aunt, Christine, Juan, Brian and I went out to dinner, and came back to my house to play Trivial Pursuit. Brian and I got our asses kicked, but that's ok. Random things came from that game, as usual...Garden Gnome Liberation, good hair, Tammy Faye Baker, Aladin...Good times, good times.
Sunday, my aunt left, and then Brian and I went to a wedding, and I must say, it was the most interesting wedding I've ever been to.
Today I went to guitar, and then went to Brian's house, and yeah, that's about it.

I think I'd be good for you, and you'd be good for me.

2005-08-26T23:35:00.000-05:00

Where do I begin?
Well, yesterday I had a dentist appointment, and picked up Gen, the fabulous Sombrero Pimp. Then after a little while, Brian came over, and we all played Trivial Pursuit the 90s Edition. I made dinner, and was surprised by how good it was. Yay me...evidently I'm very funny when cooking.
Gen had to leave to go to rehearsal, but Brian stayed and we watched Mystery Men because he is Mr.Furious. Then we enjoyed some Pinkerton by the one and only Weezer...
Speaking of Weezer....
I'M GOING TO SEE THEM ON OCTOBER 14TH WITH.....
THE FOO FIGHTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might have a heart attack...I love them so much.
Almost as much as I love Brian.

In other news, my aunt Sue is here for the weekend. She be mad fun.
I got my dress for Courtney's Sweet 16. It's nice.
Tomorrow shall be wonderful, because I love these people.

Whatever it means to you...

2005-08-24T22:53:00.000-05:00

Today was pretty uneventful.
I spent the entire day cleaning my house because my aunt MIGHT be coming to visit this weekend. It's still not clean.
Pete came to my door to retrieve his cookies.
Brian called me and we talked for half an hour.
I went out with Pooja and Carla and failed at finding a bag for Pooja. All stores close at 10, I'm sorry.
Then we stopped by Adam's house, and watched the last half hour of Scarface.
Then I came home.

At least Brian comes home tomorrow and I can make dinner for him and Gen.

Whatsahappeninhottstuff?

2005-08-22T13:40:00.000-05:00

Thursday: Mall with Courtney! I bought a loverly Edward Scissorhands sweatshirt, a few tops, and a pair of jeans and A FOO FIGHTERS T-SHIRT!!! I already have one, but it's too big. I recieved a phone call from Pete while in the mall reminding me that I owe him cookies. I'm sorry P-Tard. Me: That child is on a leash! Court: Isn't that manslaughter?!?! The mall is always fun with Courtney, and Courtney is very very very fun in general, thus I spent the night at her house. We watched Saw, The Jacket, and Constantine. Saw disturbed me, The Jacket made little to no sense. Constantine....KWEER! I tolerate it because Gavin Rossdale is cute, and quite charming in a suit.
Friday: Came home, napped, showered, mall with Brian, Robby, and Rob. Coincidentally it was the same mall that I went to on Thursday, but that didn't matter. We made an appearance at Borders where we saw Mr.Affros and Rob exposed that Brian and I have a thing. Also, Mr.Affros gave us some ideas...like we should go into New York City, which is a very good idea. He also gave the male folk some advice concerning the women folk, which just amuses me now and will never reallywork on me.
Saturday: Pooja kidnapped me and she went and got her hair done. I went to church and stuck my tongue out at Patrick in order to make him laugh and then cause his mother to smack him. Then my dad watched Constantine...and I did not. I went to bed around midight which is really early for me, since I usually stay up until 4 or 4:30 talking to Brian.
Sunday: I woke up around 4:30, stayed in bed until 7, called my mom and snuck out to IHOP. Then went back to bed before my dad came home around noon. Then went to Brian's and chilled for a while, then we walked to the old F.H.S, sat and watched the sunset, and then an old guy showed up and started stripping. That was distracting and slightly more than mildly disturbing. He was just showing off for Robby of course. Rob zoned out for a good 45 minutes and scared us all. Especially when he came out of it...That was disconcerting. Then back to Brian's until about 10. Fun, fun, fun.
Today: Woke up at 3 A.M, stayed in bed until 6, made eggs, ate said eggs, baked cookies for Pete, went back to bed at 8:30, woke up around noon. Stayed in bed until 2, showered, posted on the blog, andticipated "guitar lesson" at 4:00.
All in all, I must say that despite the 2 showings of Constantine, life is good, life is very very very wonderful.

Don't let it go away...this feeling has got to stay.

2005-08-19T15:49:00.000-05:00

I never thought I could be this happy...

Contradiction much?

2005-08-17T19:54:00.000-05:00

Okay...we're not gonna get into the title of this post...

Anywho...guitar lessons are stupid because I don't spend any time playing the guitar. No Mr.Varrechio, I do not want to spend my half hour lesson talking about Pro-tools and technical difficulties on stage, nor do I want to discuss my summer reading, or my personal life because I do not want to date your son. I JUST WANT TO JAM, MAN!

I love my new hat. It's a baseball cap with the Dark Side of the Moon logo on it. This hat, makes me look delightfully white trash, yet, I can still boast my good taste in music. I say I've got the best of both worlds.

Recycled girlfriend? WTF?!?!?!...sorry...not getting into that.

What's the deal with my brain?

2005-08-16T16:51:00.000-05:00

Okay, so how is it that I am Paint Girl, but I hate painting my kitchen? It does not make sense. Paint Girl should love the paint. Oh well. I need to get a job at Home Depot mixing paint and answering questions for the people who do not understand the paint.
"Hello, I am looking for paint."
Too bad nobody would hire me.

In other news, yesterday was very fun. Pooja and I kidnapped Pete, then we kidnapped Brian, Robby and Rob, and then went to the park where I got hit in the boob by a frisbee. Emily and some guy met up with us later and then we proceeded to have a campfire which was also fun because Pete is my hero.
SMORES=FATTY BANGIN!
And believe me, very few people/things are considered Fatty Bangin.

Blehhh...I'm off to attack Home Depot now. I need more rollers, and other paint related things.
DAMN KITCHEN!

"Child, you broke my legs!"

2005-08-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

Today was a complete waste of time and energy until I went to see the Skeleton Key with Courtney. It wasn't scary, but it was interesting. I'm freaked out by old people so it got me a little bit...
I love Courtney. I can't believe we've been best friends for eleven years. That's some crazy shit yo!

In other news, tomorrow is when Pooja is set to return. Go out? Perhaps.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII had something to say but I forgotted....hehe.

Everything Means Nothing to Me...(Elliot Smith!)

2005-08-12T21:57:00.000-05:00

Tonight was a very lovely evening...."Sex?"
Picnics be fun, we should be doing them more often.
This past week has been the start of something I'm completely happy about. Whatever anybody who isn't involved has to say means nothing to me. At this point, business be business (internets=serious business), and whatever drama that goes on is hopefully behind us all. Let's start somewhat fresh, and just look back on the good times, and look forward to the good times, and just have a good time.

I really need to relax.

IM SO BORED

2005-08-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

That just about sums it up.

If you're gone, maybe you need to come home...

2005-08-09T20:37:00.000-05:00

Highlights of the past few weeks of my life:
"Who the hell do you think you are, Fidel Castro?"
"OH SNAP!!!"
"Wuzzup!?!"
"Remember 99 questions for Mike's lady?!?! OMAHGAWDAH!"
"OMAHGAWDAH!!!!!!!"
Matchbox Twenty = Sex
Thing Slut!
*stares at you*...*runs away*...*chases*
Michaela=Hottest. Date. Ever.
Rockin it out at the mall with Miss Emily.
The Omega with ITW cast,
Gen falling at the Omega (I love you Pimp Master G)
Chris Valencia
Talking to Brian until 3 A.M every day
Confusing/shocking the hell out of Rob
TONS O SHOPPING!!!
Damn, it feels good to be a hamster.
The constant rotation of David Bowie, who is my baby daddy.
I love you all.

bleahhhhr

2005-08-06T18:59:00.000-05:00

Sooooo...while in New Hampshire, I went on many boat rides, met a kid named Kieran from South Jersey, got a sunburn, went to a restaurant called The Woodshed, went to The Flume, went to the Castle in the Clouds, ate at the Turkey Farm, beat my dad, sister, and aunt at Texas Hold Em, informed everyone that there are indeed beaches on lakes, went to a drive in to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and invented Choco-Tacos.
In Massachusetts, I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in IMAX, went shopping, and knit a scarf.

THE END! (for now....I'm just kinda uninspired)

Did you miss me?

2005-08-04T10:33:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody. I'm back. We got home around 5:30 yesterday. I have many stories to tell but that will be done later.
That is all.
Over and Out.

I'm awful...

2005-07-23T23:46:00.000-05:00

I would like to appologize to Pete. I am truly an evil person. Calling your friend at midnight to ask him to bring you and your friends donuts is completely uncalled for. I'm dead serious. I will make that boy cookies when I get back from vacation. I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY P-TARD!!!!!! I owe him big time...
Meanwhile, I love Emily, Kristen, and Courtney with all of my heart and I want to stay together forever.

Restless little one...

2005-07-23T10:37:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody. Tonight I'm going to Miss Emily's for her birthday and as a sad going away party for Kris. Also, I'm spending the rest of the weekend at my dad's (as little time as possible...I intend to go elsewhere) and then on Monday it's off to Lake Winnepasauki!!! Well, I don't know how much fun I'm gonna have because the father is gonna make the Christine hover over me every second of every day, but whatever. So, for the next 2 weeks, this blog will be inactive, and then I'll come back with stories to tell you about my crazy relatives and hopefully the painting I get done, as well as the stories of Miss Emily's house and my other weekend activities.
Feel free to call my cell if you have the number while I'm away. If I love you enough, maybe I'll answer.
And Marlon, I'm sorry I couldn't fit you in my suitcase.
Are you there? Do you read me? Are you there? I don't feel you any more. Are you there? Will you give in? Are you there? If I give out? Over and out...

For my favorite lover...

2005-07-22T23:27:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!!!

"If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting; time after time!"

2005-07-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

What a fun filled evening. Pooja and I went to get her eyebrows done, and then to Applebees. I do not like the man at the door. Wtf is up with "Have a good life!" Bite me! Haha. After that we had 2 hours to kill. So we chilled around her neighborhood, until we started to leave and saw Pete driving with Russ in the passengers seat. "HEY LOOK!" So we procceeded to Russ/Adam's house, where Pooja needed to pee. I yelled at Brian, because we never had a "fling" and I don't know where people got that idea. Oh dear.
I was really surprised when Pete came to the show. I figured he would spend the evening with the dudes, but no. He came with me and Pooja to see Scrambled Acts. I was disappointed when he told me he couldn't come, and pleasantly surprised when he came.
Pete: Oh my. Mr.DiMarco peed on a nun!
Me: Yes, yes he did.
Haha.
After the show, we went to Dunkin Donuts, and I made a mess. And Pete kept teling me that "my buddy" was checkin' me out. See, there's this guy at Dunkin Donuts who's name is Juan, and he always checks me out, and he gave me free coffee once. But I do not like him. He scares me. And Pete finds this hilarious.....Damnit, mash your own peas. Oh, and the music played on the radio in Dunkin Donuts...grrreat, especially when a Pete sings along to Cyndi Lauper and that damn song from Dirty Dancing.
Pooja is a funny lady. We had much fun at Applebees, and as well as throughout the rest of the evening. Mainly because I was just saying things without thinking about them. Haha. Twas hilarious.
Props to Mr.DiMarco. His scene was grrreat. Nothing like a scene with a hilarious nun.

Can you feel the love?

2005-07-21T19:55:00.000-05:00

So I had something quazi-important to say, but I found this picture of me snuggling up with Corey Feldman and couldn't resist. I admit it. I want Corey Feldman, hardcore. Oh baby, oh baby.
Yeah, blogger posts my pictures like crap, and plus my eyes are closed. BOO!
I think this is from spring break with Gen? Yes? Yes.

YAY!!!

2005-07-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

I am not a turtle murderer!!! When I went outside to check on him, Willie Edgar was crawling into the bushes. I was very relieved. He is now living in my backyard.
That is all.

(potential) TURTLE MURDERER

2005-07-21T11:40:00.000-05:00

OH MY GOD! My mom was making me mow the lawn, and while I was doing so I saw a big orange thing in the area I just mowed. It turned out to be a turtle!!! I'm afraid to go see if it's okay, because if it's not, I'll forever consider myself a turtle murderer and I'll want to kill myself. I could never live with being a turtle murder.
If he is okay, and I certainly hope that he is, I am going to name him Willie Edgar. That way I can say to people "Have you seen my Willie?" just for kicks.
But I'm a dispicable person for even thinking about domesticating this potentially deceased turtle. I'm gonna burn in hell, and it won't be a party.
I'm gonna check on it to see if it's alive soon. I'm thinking that since I had the blade set pretty high it missed him entirely. And plus, I didn't hear a loud noise when I went over him. Poor Willie Edgar!

I don't wanna be cold, I don't wanna be cruel, but I've gotta find more than what's happening with you...

2005-07-18T23:03:00.000-05:00

So I've been thinking a lot over the past few days. It's really hard to articulate what's going on up there, but I'm gonna try my hardest.
I'm at an age where things are crazy, and my mind is telling me five hundred billion things at once. I don't know. It's hard to tell what I want. Rather, it's hard to tell who I want. I'm priveledged in the sense that I know amazing people, and I feel connections with many of them. But that is a problem, because one night I feel like I want to be with one guy, and the next night I feel like I want another. The fact that I had/have a chance with these people is somewhat astonishing.
I've thought about the potential to be with a certain person, and never has it seemed more possible. However, with everything that has happened this year, there are complications, and they makes it seem impossible at the same time. I felt closest with this person a few months ago, and at the time I had other people in my life which prevented me from trying to be closer. I was afraid of hurting the other people. But now, I've come to realize that those other people don't care about hurting me, so why should I care about hurting them? Whatever. No matter how right I may think it could be, or how right everyone around me says it would be, I doubt it will ever happen simply because I don't know how he feels, and I'm afraid to ruin everything by asking. So I guess unless some sort of miracle happens, and he makes some sort of move, I'm gonna be stuck in this sort of limbo until someone else comes along.
The limbo-like setting in my mind is probably why I'll deny my feelings to some people. I guess I'm afraid of what they could say and what their words and actions could cause. As much as I want it to happen, I'm afraid of it happening. I'm scared. I don't know if I'm afraid of being hurt, or afraid of liking it, or afraid of what other people might think, or a combination of all three, but I'm afraid of something.
If nothing ever comes of this, I'll still have the memory of the feeling. The feeling. God. I sound like such a stupid sack of crap. But whenever he's around, I feel comfortable. I never feel comfortable. He doesn't even need to talk to me. It's just being around him that makes me feel better. It's like, I don't have to impress anybody or appologize for who I am when he's there. I don't need makeup or clothes that flatter me or anything asthetic. Everything is good. And then, there's this look he gives me occasionally, which makes me feel like he completely understands me. It's amazing.
A person's eyes can show you their mind and soul. By looking at a person's eye you can tell whether they love you or hate you. Or at least I can. It's just something I've noticed. But when someone looks at me, and it makes me feel something, it's as if I belong to that person. It doesn't matter if the look lasts for a second or for an hour. When I feel a connection to someone, they take a part of me that I can never get back. Maybe it's my shell. By locking eyes with me and causing me to feel something they take away the exterior and expose me, so I'm vulnerable and just open. For the first time in a long time I felt that with him. In my life, I've only felt this with three people. It's not something that happens with just anyone. I know that I really like a person if I feel this way when they look at me.
But knowing I like a person does me no good in knowing if they like me. But I guess this is part of life.
Whatever.

You're really wierd!

2005-07-15T21:22:00.000-05:00

OH. MY. GOD. I LOVED CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!! I could not stop laughing. Pooja and I went to see it at 12:10, and we quoted it all damn day. Even when we went to Adam's for a while, we would just keep quoting the movie. IT WAS GRRRRRRRRRRREAT!!!
Okay, now that I've been sedated, I can tell you about our day. We saw the movie, duh, and then went to Adam's to hang around for a while. I disgusted myself with my knowledge of Star Trek: the Next Generation. However, I didn't know enough to carry on a conversation with Rob. .
But anywho, As we left the theatre, I called Pete, and now he, Pooja, and I are going to see Scrambled Acts (DiMarco's show) next Friday. Yippe!!
"Hello, I am looking for Pete."
"O DEEP!"
At Adam's we watched Death to Smoochy, because Macgyver was too much for me to handle.
Adam, (refering to rhinocerous horn): He's horny
Pooja, (referring to something said in movie): That's why I have a punching bag.
Me: Wait, Pooja, you have a punching bag because you're horny...wow...whatever works.
Hehe...
Anywho, I came home, ate dinner, and took a nap. I woke up from the nap and literally said "DAMN!" because I was having this dream, and I thought it was real. It was so weird, but in a really good way that you wish were true. Oh my. Maybe I should post it, maybe not. I'll consult my attorney, I.E. Pooja.
It just occured to me that I wrote out of chronological order. OH MAH GAWDA, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a blank.

2005-07-14T22:10:00.000-05:00

It's in your pants, it goes up your butt, and when it comes out you say "ahh"! *pause, giggles from Becky and Pete* DAMNIT!!! IT WAS WEDGIE!!!
Oh my. Tonight was a partay at Pooja's, and after Adam and I beat Emily and Pooja at Taboo, Pete and Rob whipped our asses. That was tons o' fun. "DAMNIT PETE!!!" Oh how I love yelling at Pete. It's just so much fun. He's a fun person in general, but I love mashing the peas. As much as I may deny enjoying mashing the peas, I really do love it. I'm gonna miss that. And Pete in general. Grr to Florida. Florida is taking Emily too....boo...I'm her bitch.
Why the hell am I giving in to Christina Radvanski and saying that I love mashing the peas? That just adds to the story about Pete and I being an old married couple. No you silly heads. Marlon and I are getting married and having lotsa babies.
In other news, Kristen could not attend last night because her mother would not allow it. I shall miss her incredibly as well. Why the hell is everyody leaving?
But Miss Emily and I enjoyed watchin the teevee, and she fell asleep. But we determined that it is possible for your mother to be your cousin as well. If your grandmother's son had sex with his mom, and yeilded your mother, and then she had you, she'd be both your mom and your cousin. I think...Anyway. We were talkin' like white trash because we could.
Oh and at 11 in the morning, my mom scared the shit out of me and yelled "YOU SHITHEADS!!!" referring to myself and my sister, but I thought she meant me and Emily. See, my sister and I went out to lunch with my mom yesterday, and she wouldn't let my sister pay, so when she went to the lady's room, Christine put $20 in my mom's salad. And when she opened it, she got really mad. Hehe. I love it when my sister and I get along. It doesn't happen too often.
So anyway. I love Pete, because he called Jess, and made Palko get back at her for what she said to me a week ago. Yay..... :-D
Tomorrow is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I get my daily dose of Depp. I'm feeling a little Deppish, (sorry, that was suppose to sound like Depeche, as in Depeche Mode, but nevermind).
Roar!!!
Taco Bell and my tummy do not get along...

Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse.

2005-07-13T16:25:00.000-05:00

So, this evening I shall be joined by Miss Emily and Kristen. It shall be much fun. They are awesome-o. And plus, I'm slightly agitated, and we always vent and bitch about whatever is making us feel down. I guess they're just what I needed....

Oh you pretty things...

2005-07-12T22:34:00.000-05:00

So it's official. Marlon blows my mind. He rocks my world. I would marry this kid. I'm going to make him chicken soup to make him feel unsickly, and he's making me a surprise. This is what we call cooperation. Boys and girls, take note: Marlon knows how to make The Lady happy.
In other news, I might paint the album cover of the Red Hot Chili Peppers Blood Sugar Sex Magik for Adam on his wall. I like paint. I like RHCP. And Adam ain't half bad.
Also, my mommy wants me to paint a mural in our kitchen, because we're re-doing it so that its somewhat Mexican. Would that make me a Mex-i-can? Awesome. I don't know what I'm gonna do yet. I'm thinking of either painting the countryside, or trying to imitate a Frida Kahlo painting. Or doing something completely different! I DON'T KNOW!!!
I have less than two weeks before I go to Winnepasauki, which means less than two weeks until I'll be able to completely let loose all of my creative energy. I really think being up there is going to help me. Last year, as soon as I stepped out of my dad's car and smelled the air, I just had a billion ideas that i needed to get out. I'm gonna let my hair down, and just do it. It's what I need.
I NEED PAINT!!!

Fricken Empenadas

2005-07-12T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today I went shnopping, because that's what I do best. I got lotsa stuff, and Emily Uffer's burfday pwesent. Hmm...highlights of my purchases? Iron and Wine-Our Endless Numbered Days, Cry Baby on DVD, a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory mug, Pink Floyd messenger bag, and a denim jacket. Word, or en espanol, PALABRA! I went to On the Border for dinner, and was disappointed with the service, especially because it took them 20 minutes to bring me my fricken chocolate turtle empenadas.

Ch-ch-changes, turn to face the strange...

2005-07-11T19:49:00.000-05:00

So I spent more time than necessary with my dad this weekend. At least I spent Saturday with some fun people. Chris got neutered, and Pete got mad at me for not telling him about shows. MY BAD! But, if it makes him feel any better, I'll go see DiMarco's show again, because I did not enjoy watching it with my dad. But anywho, my cookies were good. I had something to say, but I forgot. I guess this hair dye is getting to my brain.

If you want to die in bed, forget about your karma

2005-07-08T13:44:00.000-05:00

Last night, I went to see Miss Saigon at Plays in the Park with my mommy. T.W. played John, and twas absolutely marvelous. I would call him Mr.Walton, but that's just wierd because he's only two years older than my sister, and was one of her best friends in high school. He's Timmy to me!
I saw some people there that I wish I hadn't seen, but I'm not gonna get into that. Everyone that knows what went down is everyone who needs to know what went down.
Before the show, my mommy and I went to Benigan's, and I ate ribs. I don't know why I love them so much lately, but I eat ribs whenever I get a chance. Although, my favorite place to get ribs is in Massachusetts, which is where my mommy is now.
Today I baked cookies and read Entertainment Weekly. Cry Baby DVD July 12 (I knew that) AND the Complete First Season of The Nanny!!! AHHH!!! I might die.
Okay, now I'm going back to bed until I have to shower and go to my dad's for the rest of the weekend.
Boo.

Hey lady how was d&d?

2005-07-07T12:31:00.000-05:00

This morning, I went to Dunkin Donuts with Pooja, Emily, and Emily's Kevin. It was a breakfast date. My treat. Haha. Emily's a beast.
Then we parked in front of Adam/Russ's place to see if Pete would come out. He did not.
Then we went to Chris's place, and parked there until he and Louis came home.
That was my day. So far.
Oh, and my iPod was in Chris's boxers.

Word

2005-07-06T21:53:00.000-05:00

Dude...

2005-07-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

This was quite possibly the most fun I've ever had on the Fourth of July. Maybe that's because I did nothing involving being patriotic.
First, I went to the mall with Gen to celebrate her half birthday. Much fun was had. I purchased, or rather my mother purchased, many things for me. My favorite is the Iggy Pop shirt I was lusting after. Oh, and I got new Roos (drug shoes!), and a buttload of shirts and fun stuff because my mom is the coolest person in the entire world. <3>
Then, I went to Hamilton St. with Miss Emily, and we hung out with Kristina. So, nobody showed up. We still had fun. The fella's from Deagle said "Hey, our friend is having sex in our van. Wanna come watch?" Of couse we go. Unfortuneately, no sex was being had. They drove us back to the club. We honestly thought we were going to be molested. Haha. But we're all safe and sound. Oh, and A Dead Letter Promise wanted to crash at our houses. Poor things. I felt bad, and bought buttons. They weren't that bad. "The Floor is Lava" was kinda good. They ain't the pussy rock I listen to, but I like that stuff.
Then we went to McDonald's, and saw Matt and Rachel. Brief conversation, and then Kristina and Emily got food. I didn't feel to hot at that point, but I theifed some of Miss Emily's fries. Then I went home.
w00t.

You make me so crazy, baby. I could swallow the moon...

2005-07-03T22:16:00.000-05:00

So this is a photo of myself, that I have painted. Except, my painting is purple, and I am not. Also, I took this over spring break. So my hair is a different color. And plus, Blogger posts pictures in very poor quality.
Feel free to ignore this post because I'm just gonna quote song lyrics.
The Becky=The Geej.

"Chase me through the dark, ready on your mark. First to reach the stars wins a broken heart; one that broke apart, shattered from the start."-Foo Fighters (Over and Out)
"The clock became a bullet hole-cruel and unkind. It hurt me with its second hand. Alone another night."-Jewel (Enter From the East)
"I find myself trying to change you. If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to."-No Doubt (Ex-Girlfriend)
"Sometimes is never quite enough. If you're flawless, then you'll win my love."-Alanis Morissette (Perfect)
"Back and forth that voice of yours keeps me up at night. Help me search to find the words that eat you up inside."-Foo Fighters (What if I Do?)
"And I wanted to walk through the empty streets, to feel something constant under my feet."-The Postal Service (We Will Become Sillhouettes)
"I want a bit part in your life. A walk on would be fine, I just want a bit part in your life."-The Lemonheads (Bit Part)
"You enter and close the door behind you. Now show me the world seen from the stars. If only the lights would dim a little; I'm weary of eyes upon my scars."-Incubus (Here in my Room)
"Help him beat me down again, it's all I know."-Candlebox (Understanding)
"This counterfeit disposition can't be good for my health."-No Doubt (Magic's in the Makeup)
"Tear it off, but not a lot. It's not enough to debate."-Foo Fighters (Weenie Beenie)
"It's like tonight I'm not really me at all, and it feels good!"-The Cure (The 13th)
"You're still the only one who will never change faces. I guess you're the only one left standing when everything else falls down."-Lifehouse (Only One)

blaaaah

2005-07-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

So unfortunately Courtney became ill yesterday, and could not make it. But, Emily, Kristen and I had a marvelous time. We didn't go to bed. Oh man. "Hey baby! I'm a spicy Latina! I want you!"

I am going to miss Kristen so much. Many road trips will be made to North Carolina. I don't care who I go with, I will be there just to hang out with her because she's so freakin' awesome.
WOO! PUSSY ROCK!

In other news, I really want an Iggy Pop shirt from Hot Topic, but that store charges insane amounts of money for a simple t-shirt. Granted it's Iggy Pop, and I did pay $28 for my beloved David Bowie shirt, but I still think their prices are more than slightly ridiculous.

Also, I'm going to the mall tomorrow with Gen. Shall be fun. It's to celebrate her half birthday, which is Tuesday. I need a good day of shopping too. I don't know why I shop a lot, but I do.

I'm listening to the "Party Mix" feature of my iTunes...it's really odd hearing "The 13th" by the Cure followed by "Saturday Night Special" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Today I watched Benny & Joon. I love that movie. I will post more about it later on, but I'm feeling kinda drained.

I also watched part of Cry Baby. Fun Trivia! (not really) Iggy Pop plays Uncle Belvedere. You should know that anyway.

2005-07-02T15:25:00.000-05:00

Nicki is going back to Florida, right now. This is sad.
BUT, something that isn't sad is that tonight I'm going to see Bewitched with EMU, Court, and Kristen! Then we're going to Benigans, and then Court is going home, but the others are coming to mi casa to spend the night. It's just like old times! You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this.
Oh yeah, and I'm taping the end of Live 8 so I can see Pink Floyd. w00t.

The Little Stripper That Could.

2005-07-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Tonight, at Michaela's birthday bash, Brianne, Vladimir, Simone, Ashley, Gen, Jesse, and I all played Scrabble. Gen and Jesse whipped our patooties. Notice "STRIPLONER," "GOOZERE," "BLAMETATEH," and "PRONELGAYS." Twas marvelous fun.
We watched Rocky Horror, and Gen and I are Magenta and Columbia. Also, I want Meatloaf. Hardcore. Shut Up.
I'm so jealous because Michaela had Johnny Depp on her cake.
Pimp Master G and HoeCakes. Reunited. AMORE.

w00t.

Stranger, enter from the East....and hold me.

2005-06-30T19:55:00.000-05:00

I don't exactly know why, but lately, I've been feeling kinda lonely. It can't be that I have no friends, because I do, and I hang out with someone almost every day. I love them all. Maybe it's the plethora of Johnny Depp movies Pooja and I have been watching that has left me wanting a guy to come along and sweep me off of my feet. Haha, Don Juan. I'm not asking for a Don Juan, I'm just asking for someone to enter my life and love me. I'm probably going to sound dumb and naive, and ridiculous because I'm 15 when I say this, but, I want to meet someone who is right for me. Someone who doesn't mind my flaws, that I can talk to intellectually, but then make me laugh. This person doesn't exist, I know. But I want something a little bit more than temporary. Not a permanent relationship, but something slightly serious. I think it would do me some good. But then I think about all of the guys I know, and I can't see myself with them for more than a week or so. It's so confusing. Nobody I've met in my life so far has been interested in really knowing me. Nobody's tried to figure me out, and if they have, I didn't know about it. Nobody really cares about what makes me tick.
Maybe I just need a hug.

Everything is still...

2005-06-30T14:45:00.000-05:00

Hmm...Has anything exciting happened?
The answer is, NO.
Well, unless you count the thunderstorm last night, during which I had to take Poo Dog outside to poo, and we nearly died.
Other than that, I can't really think of anything.
Oh, I forgot one of my phone numbers. Because I'm an idiot. Haha, Emily is funny.
Hmm...My hair cut? Four inches off of the bottom layer. Now, the longest layer reaches my shoulders. DAMN!!! Haha. I like it. It's just wierd because it feels like there's nothing there.
Ehhhh...nothing to post. Off to Pooja's now.

self explanatory

2005-06-28T21:54:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAELA!!!
I love Michaela!

"He who makes a beast of himself....uhh? What's the rest of the line?"

2005-06-28T11:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, after I went to my guitar lesson, Pooja came over and spent the night.
We started our fun filled evening with Cry Baby. "My brother wouldn't touch your titties witha ten foot pole!" Hahah. "You've got it Allison, you've got it RAW!"
Then we had dinner. CLINK!
After that, we had an impromptu photo shoot with the Captain Jack Sparrow Doll, a photo of Russ (Just doing my civic duty, sir), the bunny, and a Jack Osbourne Bobble Head. Twas exciting. Not to mention HILARIOUS.
That was followed by Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Also, "What's with all these damn reptiles?" Hehe. "He who makes a beast of himself....DAMNIT!" Haha, we did the funny Hunter S. Thomspon walk. "As your attorney, I advise you to get the cocaine."
Mystery Men! Yay! Hahaha, we had the crew all figured out in these roles. I was Baby Bowler, Patrick was the Blue Raja, Pooja was the Sphinx, Brian was Mr.Furious, Adam was the Spleen, Chris was the Shoveler, Kirby (not on crew, but what the hey) was the Invisible Boy, Pete was Dr.Heller, Jay was Tigerlily, Ryan was Tony P, and Mike was Captain Amazing. Oh, and Russ was the PMS Avenger! Wow. That was special.
Sixteen Candles! w00t! Paul says "Whatsa happenin hott stuff?" Hehe. It's not fair. No guy is like Jake Ryan.
The Princess Bride is my favorite movie of all time. I think. Whatever. Wesley! Inigo! Fezzik! Vizzini!
Me: The big one has side burns.
Pooja: Does that make him some twisted version of Pete?
Hehe. O man, I fell asleep during that one. I'm upset about that. I missed Billy Crystal being Jewish. O dip.

This morning we tried to wake up, but did not succeed until Pooja's mom called my cell phone. Haha.
Hehehehe, Wah?

How should I get my hair cut?!?!?!

Poo Dog

2005-06-26T21:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, so now I'm gonna add pictures to posts. Hooray.
What better way to start than with Poo Dog?
I love my dog, despite his stench and habit of jumping on people. He's adorable.
It's too bad that he smells. If he smelled better, the jumping might be forgivable.

Thai Food, White Water, River Men, Lip Schit, and Michaela-These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2005-06-26T18:44:00.000-05:00

Where shall I start?
Friday evening I went out for Thai food with my father, sister, brother, and my brother's lady friend Allison. Because you know, Allison's starting to happen (sorry, shameless use of a Lemonheads song). But anywho, I enjoyed the Thai food. It was my first time trying it. However, when I got home I still IMed Pete, and said "I think I ate dog..." Haha. Pork=dog in translation. I'm kidding.
Saturday was white water rafting in Pennsylvania. This was tremendous fun, as it always is. I love it. This was my fifth year. I love the rush of the rapids, the lack of control as you approach rocks. The panic of inexperienced rafters who don't know how to steer clear of rocks and dangerous rapids is the type of tension I enjoy being around. I don't know why. Maybe it's a superiority complex because I know what I'm doing. It's practically instinctual for me now. I know when to paddle forward, backward, how to steer. I'd love to go with friends instead of family. I'm so happy when I'm being tossed through class three rapids. It just gives me an adrenaline rush. I'd love to try class four or eventually five. That's my goal. I'd have to go somewhere else for that though.
Part of the magic of it is the people who work for Pocono White Water. They're awesome. For the first three years, the guide was always Ted, who I thought looked like Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Then last year was Garret, with the white guy dreads. This year was Micha. These men just have something about them that I gravitate towards.
Ted was rugged, with long hair and tattoos. He looked like a beach bum surfer, but he was a River Man. Ted was mad cool, but also mad old. Which was hardcore, because he still beasted the rapids.
Garret was amazing. Not only was he a strong kayaker, and funny as all River Men should be, but he also related to me. He and I talked about music during the lunch break and it was like talking to myself. He knew everything I liked. Never has someone had as much in common with me musically as Garret. Plus, he had the bleach blonde white boy dreads, which on some people look gross and disgusting, but he made them work. I also liked that he had freckles. It's a shame that he was in his late twenties.
But Micha, Micha is special. Before Micha, a River Man never actually came on to me. Micha asked me for my number. We were talking after the trip and he thought I was really interesting and said he'd love to keep in touch with me and that we should get to know each other. Unfortunately, I had to tell him my age. Micha is thirty. I am fifteen. That does not equate in my noggin.
You know, it really is a shame when you meet people who are absolutely amazing but they're too old. I don't know why but I've never really been attracted to anyone my own age. Okay, so people who have known me for a while are gonna be like "But what about Mike?" Yeah, I love Mike. But it was so much deeper than that. We never had a "romantic" relationship because our friendship was so much more than that. Yeah, and those other boys (mainly Eric)...they were just kinda convenient. People I've been truly attracted to have always been at least two years older than me. It's not a big difference in some cases, but it's still odd that I don't particularly care for any fifteen year old boys. I don't know why, but that's just how I am. It's not like I hate them. Psh. I'm friends with lots of them. But I can't connect on a deeper level.
But back to my White Water experience. After the trip, I bought myself a mood ring, and a tube of Pedro's Lip Schit in Suicide Citrus! Haha. I love creative chap stick that toys with the word "shit."
So yeah, I'm really, really, really, ridiculously white. And I have freckles. Now, when I go into the sun, I do not tan. I burn a little bit. My freckles however, they get darker. Oh well, freckles give you character. Hah, I sound like Hatchet Face from Cry Baby. Hahah. Excellent movie.
So I was thinking, I want to do more things like white water rafting. I'm going kayaking at Winnepasauki, but I mean, I could see myself living somewhere near a lake or river and doing this on a regular basis. Maybe it has something to do with my love of people who enjoy the outdoors. I don't know. But I want to be like the people at Pocono White Water. They enjoy their lives and they live life to the fullest. Plus, they're all hippies. I don't know.
My dream is to move to Lake Winnepasauki, live in a house that looks out onto the lake, and be a writer. The first time I saw the lake, I knew that's where I want to end up.
Today, my mommy and I went out to buy Michaela a birthday present. We succeeded at that. I got a new halter top and some new CDs (Janis Joplin, Bob Dylan, and Billy Idol). And best of all...A CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW DOLL WITH BROKEN COMPASS, RUM, SWORD, GUN WITH ONE SHOT, THAT TALKS!!! THAT'S 18 INCHES OF IMITATION DEPP!!!

Just doing my civic duty, sir!

2005-06-24T15:44:00.000-05:00

Hahahahahaha.
So last night I went to Pooja's, and we had a Depp-A-Thon. Don Juan De Marco and Once Upon a Time in Mexico started our Mexican theme, which was completed by Mexican rice (yum). Then we enjoyed ourselves some Pirates of the Caribbean. I wanna be a Pirate! Hahahaha...for some reason, we deduced that Mr.Brown, the character who smashes a bottle into Captain Jack Sparrow's head in the beginning and says "Just doing my civic duty, sir" is Russell. Hahaha.
Speaking of Russell, today is his birthday. Happy Birthday. When this character returns from wherever the hell he is, he shall get his birthday present.
I really want a pirate. Preferably a Captain Jack Sparrow (and no, a comforter, pillowcase, fleece throw, multiple posters and pins, and a dvd are not enough). Jenn-a and I are suppose to be pirates, if we ever get a hold of a boat. We had our crew all figured out, but we have since forgotten. Haha.
But anyway, Pooja and I also figured out what people's theme songs are. "Just Pus It!"
Is Pete El Mariachi?
I am not Selma Hayek.
We watched Family Guy later on, and I love Stewie. I have always loved Stewie! Lois: Hahaha, Wah?
Hehe.
Me: I speak broken Spanish.
Pooja: Those are broken Spanish.
Dude, I don't remember half of the funny stuff. Symonmym? Haha.

Things I Am Looking Forward To
White Water Rafting TOMORROW!!!
Michaela's Birthday June 28
My Hair Cut June 28
Michaela's Birthday Party July 1
Many Movie Nights
Charlie and The Chocolate Factory July 15
Emily Uffer's Birthday! July 23
Winnepasauki July 25
Eventually seeing everyone I want to see.

If I could touch the sound of silence now, you know I would if I knew how...

2005-06-22T20:37:00.000-05:00

So, since I've been preeching to you about High Fidelity, and since I love Hairstyles of the Damned, I guess I should tell you that they both involve music, relationships, music influencing relationships, and mix tapes. Both Rob (High Fidelity) and Brian (Hairstyles of the Damned) know that making a mix tape is a delicate art. Rob points out that you're using someone else's words to show how you feel. I couldn't agree more. Putting together a mix tape, or CD nowadays, is not something to to take lightly. It's something very serious. Maybe the way I take it so seriously is why I've never made a mix CD for anyone, and if I have, I've never given it to them. But I've wanted to. I've considered doing it for a lot of people. And since I have so much free time now, I'm starting to think I'll do it. Plus, now I really know my music well. I know what the lyrics are and what the artist is saying, so it's less likely for me to convey the wrong thing with a song choice.
Another bugger that comes with making a mix CD for someone is that some people don't have the same tastes in music. I'm pretty open, and I'll listen to just about anything once. But I don't want to make a CD of pure classic rock and give it to someone who listens to just rap. Most of my friends are pretty open minded about music, but some aren't so I don't think they'll be getting mix CDs.

So what did I do today? Haha. I went to see "Mr.&Mrs.Smith" with Pooja and Pete. Haha, Pete went to my house instead of the theater because he's silly. Hey Pooja, DAMN! The movie was better than I expected it to be. It wasn't fantastic, but it was entertaining.
Afterwards, Pooja and I went to Taco Bell. "Hey, is that Pete?"..."No."..."Ten bucks he's waiting for us at Taco Bell cuz you flipped him off!" Haha. That's my way of saying "I love you!"
Then we drove around where Pooja use to live and played on the kweer playground.
Then we came back to my house to pee, and Poo Dog decided to spaz out.

THE END!

We know we're lost, we're nowhere now...

2005-06-21T20:59:00.000-05:00

The Secret Machines are blowing my mind. I remember I bought their CD because I saw the video for "Nowhere Again" and I thought the guy looked like a guy I knew, and I dug the song. But I'm really enjoying them a lot right now. Is good.
I also dig the Postal Service. I knew that "Such Great Heights" was by them, and that Iron and Wine covered it on the Garden State Soundtrack, and I had heard them a while back. At the time I was kinda frazzled, and I needed something with loud guitars, so I shyed away. But now, during the summer in my permanent state of sloth, I have found myself trying semi-new-to me music, and I enjoy The Postal Service. "Clark Gable" is my favorite.
I'm falling in love with the Lemonheads all over again. "Why can't you look after yourself and not down on me/ Do you have to try to piss me off, 'cause I'm easy to please?" Hooray! They were also mentioned in "Hairstyles of the Damned" by Joe Meno, which is now one of my favorite books. Although, he was talking about them when they were punk, and I've never heard their punk stuff.
I also fancy me some Jewel. Shut up. I don't care what you have to say about Jewel. Before she got her glam makeover and leant her music to a women's shaving ads, she was mad folksy and cool. I'm really into the album "Spirit" which is the one with "Hands." I like "Jupiter" and "Innocence Maintianed." Shut up.
Jack Johnson esta bien as well. "Crying Shame" is a very interesting song. I like it, I like it a lot.
I also have a growing appreciation for Pearl Jam. For a while, I didn't want to like Pearl Jam, and then I just accepted it and liked them, and now I'm beginning to love them. Eddie Vedder has an amazing voice, and it's fun to mock. And he's got such passion and feeling in his tone. It's great.
I'd die if it weren't for music.

You're so gorgeous...

2005-06-20T22:32:00.000-05:00

Is it possible to be in love with someone's smile? A smile can change a person's mood entirely. Even the memory of someone's smile can do it for me. I could be down about anything, and I'll remember a certain person's fantastic smile and I'll be forced to smile myself and give up on being sad. It doesn't have to be a big toothy grin, although his smile is amazingly bright. I love it when his smile is just blossoming. His lips start to turn upward, his cheeks begin to rise and get rounder. Then his two front teeth start to peek out from behind those pretty lips he's got. At that exact point in his smile, I melt. At that slightly awkward stage I'm completely sold. I'm regretting that I didn't savor every moment of his smile before school got out. I haven't seen him since then, but I've talked to him quite a but, and we're definitely hanging out some time soon. I can't stand it. I need to at least be around him if nothing else.
But in all seriousness, is it possible to be in love with one aspect of a person's physical appearance? As shallow as it may sound, every person I have ever loved has had something I adored about their physical appearance. All of my friends. It just happens. It's not necessarily what made me notice them at first. Often, its something little that was slightly quirky that I grew to love. It was Emily's dimples. The way Courtney's hair does the perfect S curve. Mike's eyes-they were this beautiful aquamarine color, but you had to really look to see it. Gen's hands. The look Chris gives me when I say something dumb. Kristen's shoulders. Pete's dorky smile he always flashes. Mitchy's wide-eyed listening face. The way Russell's hair is curly at the ends. Pooja's awkward tooth. Patrick's nose and teeth, and the way he looks at me. The slope of Jenn-a's nose. The freckle above Yngwie's lip. I love my brother's birthmark, on his left arm which is the same as the one on the back of my neck which is barely visible. And my sister's freckles on the side of her face that match mine. Marlon's smile...
If I listed everyone, I'd be here for a long time.
I'd like to know what people like about me, but then my ego would either expand to the point of explosion, or shrink to the size of a peanut.
Oh my. I think I just gave a lot of things away in this post.

iTunes made me mad...

2005-06-20T18:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm trying to put my "In Your Honor" onto my iPod because I love them Foo Fighters, and theres so much damn liscencing crap that you have to go through in order to do so. Why didn't I just download it using iTunes you as? Well, I already paid $27 for the album because I got the special edition dual disc with 2 DVDs. I don't want to pay an aditional $20 to download an album I already have. That's just dumb.
So now I'm trying to beat the system. I'll let you know how it goes.

Friend of a Friend...

2005-06-19T22:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this is slightly stolen from this girl I know.
Using song lyrics, answer these questions.
1. Are you a male or female? You stupid girl/ all you had you wasted.
2. Describe yourself: She's got a pretty smile/it covers up the poison that she hides.
3. How do some people feel about you? And you're down on your knees/ it's too late, oh don't come crawlin'.
4. How do you feel about yourself? I may be scattered/ a little shattered/ what does it matter?
5. Describe where you live: Light only enters through a crack or a hole/ this is not enough for a human to grow/ trapped in a box
6. Describe what you want to be: A crazy independent, spanish speaking/ arty, flirty, red wine drinking/ sexy tomboy with a natural way of thinking care free.
7. Describe how you live: They say the meek shall inherit the earth/ walking in your footsteps...
8.Describe how you love: And when I've had enough/ she drains me when I'm empty/ she fills herself she takes it all/ in too deep, she's spilling over me/ go on and have it all.
9. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: And I guess you could say/ and I guess you could say/ I'm real full of it/ I'm real full of it.
10. Describe your current boyfriend/girlfriend: You're the best listener that I've ever met/ you're my best friend/ best friend with benefits.
11. A few word of wisdom: Oh no love! You're not alone/ no matter what or who you've been/ no matter when or where you've seen/ all the knives seem to lacerate your brain/ I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain/ you're not alone.

You KNOW I'm gonna end up doing this again.

Insert Wookie Noise

2005-06-19T18:49:00.000-05:00

I finally saw Star Wars Episode 3 today. I know, I'm all sorts of late. I've been a busy gal. That and everyone else was pretty busy. But anyway, my sister and I took my dad to see it for Father's Day/his birthday. I must say, I liked it far better than Episodes 1 and 2. And there were Wookies! Massive amounts of Wookies! You know how I feel about Wookies...I'd marry Chewbacca if I could. Haha, maybe not. I do have a tendency to make Wookie noises, hehe. I remember the first time Marlon heard that he was like "Ok, I'm slightly turned off now." Heh. Other people really like the Wookie. Rob for instance use to beg me to do that...but then again that's Rob. Pete and I would do the Wookie to annoy Chris. And Jenn-a envies my Wookie abilities and finds them absolutely hi-lary-us. Oh, Jenn-a, only you understand the love of the Wookie. Hahah...I'm such a nerd.
At the movies, Nickbennett and Mikebennett and their clan were sitting behind us. That was nifty.
So anyway, Yoda is awesome.
So with all of my Wookie love, I'm beginning to question myself when I wear my shirt that says "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie." Since I'm so in love with Wookies wouldn't that mean I'd love to do whatever someone proposes I do to which I say "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie"? Maybe I'm over-analyzing this...
My sister being the nerd that she is pointed out the flaws in the story and I was mightily impressed, and then slightly embarassed because she read the books and knows this stuff. But then again, I did it all for the Wookie.

You say don't be blue, is that the best you can do?

2005-06-19T03:07:00.000-05:00

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, how I dislike people who try to fix my problems but fal miserably because they have no idea what's going on.

Oh yeah, and Marlon is awesome-o. He is one cool dude.

And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am...

2005-06-18T23:55:00.000-05:00

So my lack of inspiration lately I guess can be attributed to being here. A lot has happened recently, and there are ideas floating around in my head, but I need to be somewhere else so I can think clearly. I guess that's part of the reason why I'm counting down the days until I'm at Winnepasauki. 37 days. I'm not just talking about painting, because I always paint better when I'm there. In fact, half of my paintings are at my uncle's lake house, and I want to keep them there. It's like a part of me is always there. But I think I'll be able to write better sitting on the beach or on the dock. It's so serene. It's a beautiful place, and it's so nice because I can always here myself think. If I can here myself think, I can put my thoughts on paper. And for some reason, I really want to bring my guitar this year. In previous years I didn't bring it, but I definitely want to this year. My acoustic guitar (T-Bone!) sound so pretty when played well. I just imagine myself sitting there, and the water inspiring me to come up with some fantastic song. Well, I doubt that will happen, but I always wanted to play guitar on a beach while the sun set. I can do that there.
I want to start getting more serious about this art thing. Painting is good for me. It's something that I need. Painting sets and painting pictures are two completely different things that I love. When you paint a set, you convey someone else's desires and ideas of what a scene should look like, using your style. When you paint a picture, it's all up to you. If you want to make a tree blue, you can do that. It's all about freedom. Set painting is definitely something I want to continue because I enjoy the theory of collaboration and working on plays, but I also want to do whatever I can to further my skills as an artist.
Oh, and I think I've found my muse!

And now that I've posted about all that fun stuff, here's what I did today after I got home from Pooja's.
I took a nap.
I took a shower.
I went to the Route 18 Market to buy more posters (don't ask how I'm going to fit them in my room!) and pins, and I also acquired a Robert Plant T-Shirt. I saw Pooja there.
I went to Bennigan's, and ate ribs!
I went home and watched The Princess Bride with my mommy!
I began playing Poster Tetris. So far, I am losing.
I posted on this blog.

I was raped by Mr.Mustafolese!

2005-06-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

Ahahahahahaha.....
Yesterday was Pooja's birthday! Happy Birthday Pooja! The candle didn't want to stop singing to you. Heh.
So Sara, Chris and I spent the night at Pooja's house watching Team America and Dave Chapelle. Before Sara and Chris arrived we watched America's Funniest Home Videos ("Theres a bug on you!!!" "I'm stuck! I'm gone cry!!!") and What's Eating Gilbert Grape because we heart Johnny Depp. We figured out what really is eating Gilbert Grape. Hahaha. Me: Silly Johnny Depp, you're kissing the wrong Becky. Me later on: Hey, I think she looks more like a dude than me. Chris: Oh yeah, and you just look soooo much like a dude.
Oh the hilarity of Juliet Lewis. Hahaha.
Who dos that?
Heh.
Gooooooooooood Times.

So I'm reading my Entertainment Weekly...evidently they made a video game of The Godfather. Why is Marlon Brando computer animated? That's kinda lame.
Well, at least the magazine gave my Foos a most excellent review, informed me of the new Nick Hornby novel, and gave me my daily dose of Joseph Gordon-Levitt. That guy was awesome in 3rd Rock From the Sun and 10 Things I Hate About You.

"Insert Lyrics Here"

2005-06-17T18:02:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Russ is galavanting in another continent, Emily is on a cruise, Jenn-a is basically living at the state theater...Oh no Love, you're not alone! (Bowie!)
I'm not the only one still here in Stanklin. In fact, Pooja is here, and we shall have fun. Hooray!
Hehe, Chris is a funny character too. "Ten bucks he's asleep!"
M-m-m-my Michaela is here to love me as well. Plus, my beloved Nicki is coming back from Florida to visit everyone.
(Yeah, Florida is on my poo poo list along with North Carolina.)
I've got a Marlon to amuse me as well. "You're awesome!" "No, you're awesome!"....3 hour argument over who is more awesome ensues.
I've got white water rafting next saturday to look forward to. And I'm going to Winnepasauki in a month from that saturday! I'm overflowing with excitement. Hmm...Pooja, I really am a Pisces because I fancy the water...haha.
And if all else fails, I've got my music to keep me company. I want that Jack Johnson to make me Banana Pancakes.
Wow, you're right Jenn-a, I am a loser.

P.S. If you never noticed, most of my post titles are song lyrics, because I'm a music nerd like that. I need emo glasses like Rivers Cuomo. And subscriptions to Spin, Rolling Stone, and NME. But that ain't happenin...well, maybe the glasses.

I heart...

2005-06-17T00:27:00.000-05:00

Do you want to know how much I love Marlon? I love Marlon to bits and peices. He gets me. I also heart The Postal Service, Jack Johnson, and well, y'all know about Foo. I'm hopelessly devoted to Foo.
And if you can tell me what musical contains the song "Hopelessly Devoted to You" I'll give you a cookie.

But seriously, Marlon is awesome.
I was going to post about feminism or something, but I got distracted by his awesomeness.

Ohhhh Yeah, Ahhh!

2005-06-16T15:54:00.000-05:00

I think my feeling on the whole situation could be summed up by "You're Gonna Miss Me" by the Thirteenth Floor Elevators. Just sayin, you're gonna miss me baby.

Yeah...I'm not bitter, I just think the way the current state came about was really lame, and I think there's a miscommunication because I was under the impression we both wanted the same thing...and I thought we made that clear the other day.

I was thinking, things were at their best about 2 or 3 months ago in March and April. That was when it was the most fun. But I guess that wasn't good enough.

It's dumb to just stop talking to someone, especially when you say that's not gonna happen.

Don't worry, not that you would. But I'm perfectly fine. I guess this "slap in the face" that you gave me was a wake up call. I'm sorry, I thought we were friends. My mistake.

Feel free to talk to me...but I know that's not your style.

**I'd like to appologize to anyone that reads that who doesn't know what I'm talking about. I just don't like putting all of my business out there. That's why I kept it kinda vague.**

Tihehehe

2005-06-16T02:32:00.000-05:00

So Gen and I had a very stimulating conversation:
Gen: i knew jackson would get off
Gen: hahahahahaha
Gen: oh immaturity is b-e-a-utiful
Becky: hehe
Gen: nah but i knew he would be proven innocent
Becky: yeah
Becky: celebs never get locked up
Gen: nah
Gen: if he was proven "guilty" he would just go back to his place under heavy survalience
Becky: my question is
Becky: why does he get off so easy, and martha stewart is sent to a lesbian prison?
Gen: martha doesnt perform
Gen: or own any giraffes
Becky: lol, she has a goat
Gen: yeha but come on its like giraffe or goat
Gen: people like big
Gen: giraffes are bigger
Becky: but goats say "baaaaaaa"
Becky: o wait
Becky: thats sheep
Gen: thats sheep
Becky: what do goats say?
Gen: eahhhhhehhhh
Gen: thats the best i can think of
Gen: the like baa without the b
Gen: and are canadian
Gen: so im assuming aehhhhhhhhhhhhhehhhh
Becky: lmao
Gen: like when they are talking to each other they are like "hey billy goot"
Gen: as oppose to goat which rhymes with oat
Gen: and oats are fed to horses
Gen: who are american
Gen: so tahts how i remember
Becky: you have a dizzying intellect
Gen: wait till i get going
Gen: now where was i
Gen: australia
Becky: haha
Becky: princess bride
Becky: excellent
Gen: i want andre the giant
Gen: like seriously
Gen: he is sooo adorable
Becky: i want inigo montoya
Becky : hardcore
Gen: who doesnt
Gen: stop rhyming i mean it...anyone want a peanut
Becky: lol
Gen: ive been saying that non stop all week
Becky: ive been saying I DEMAND A SHRUBBERY!!!
Becky : since sunday night
Gen : where can we find a shruberry
Gen: ill get you that for your half bvrithday
Becky: lol
Gen: ill find a shruberry
Gen: as i randomly like cut a bush on your lawn
Gen: and say its a shruberry
Becky: it works
Gen: woot woot
Gen: ok so be surprised
Becky: oki
It was this kind of random conversation that I really really need and missed. Yay Gen!

Oh Generation X, You Happened Too Soon...

2005-06-16T01:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, listening to all eras of Foo, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Oasis, Bush, The Lemonheads, Juliana Hatfield, and Candlebox all day can make you wish it was 1994. Okay, so The Foos weren't until after 1994 when Cobain died, and Candlebox debuted in 95, and Bush was at the end of the Grunge era, BUT nonetheless, I think my musical taste demonstrates how awkward I am in my surroundings. I think I'm more suited for Seattle in the early 90s. A lot of the "typical Gen X" people were the artsy poetic type that I aspire to be. So what generation am I? Generation Y? I've heard we're Generation RX because we're all supposedly addicted to prescription drugs...Perhaps we're Generation Why? because we all ask so many questions. I don't know. All I know is that the early 90s was way better for music and fashion, so screw you guys, I'm gonna figure out time travel.

Adventures in Scrapbooking

2005-06-16T00:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, since Kristen is moving, I'm making a scrapbook. Thusfar, I have completed 14 pages. I have gotten 12 paper cuts, used 3 rolls of double stick tape, 2 glue sticks, and a billion stickers. Hehe!
I need a few ideas for more pages. But I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'm gonna miss her so much.

Are You Gone and On to Someone New?

2005-06-15T14:00:00.000-05:00

So I was thinking about it. I'm thinking about mackin on this kid. Not sure if I really want to. Well, I want to, but I don't know if my motives are good. I would hate to use someone because I'm in a bind and need change. At least he's really cool. Not naming names yet....

It's good that I'm not Angry...

2005-06-15T00:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, that survey was kweer, and it doesnt even display right and blogger says I can't delete it. ARG! If I weren't ready to give up on a lot of things right now, I might try harder to fix it.

i meaWow...When I'm Bothered, I Take Surveys...

2005-06-15T00:37:00.000-05:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Beckster
Birthday:	February 25, 1990...I'm a FebruaryStar
Birthplace:	St. Peter's
Current Location:	My living room
Eye Color:	Green!
Hair Color:	Purple!
Height:	5'6"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Righty
Your Heritage:	Sicilian, Irish, French, rumored Cherokee
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Black Old Navy Flip Flops
Your Weakness:	Dark Chocolate
Your Fears:	Losing my friends, exposing my insecurities
Your Perfect Pizza:	an edible one
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	See the Foo Fighters
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	O DIP! or lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Why am I awake?
Your Best Physical Feature:	Eyes
Your Bedtime:	whenever I get drowsy
Your Most Missed Memory:	Mike
Pepsi or Coke:	(Diet) Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	WENDY'S BITCH!
Single or Group Dates:	I'm a one on one type of gal.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappo!
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	hell yes
Do you Sing:	In the privacy of my own bedroom.
Do you Shower Daily:	I believe in hygeine
Have you Been in Love:	platonically, not romantically
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	unsure...
Do you belive in yourself:	at times
Do you get Motion Sickness:	not really
Do you think you are Attractive:	at times
Are you a Health Freak:	hell no
Do you get along with your Parents:	sometimes my mom, never my dad
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yep
Do you play an Instrument:	GUITAR!
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	don't remember
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	not performing
In the past month have you been Dumped:	not really
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	your heart...lol, no
Ever been Drunk:	not quite
Ever been called a Tease:	yes...by Rob
Ever been Beaten up:	by Russ
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	In the arms of someone I love
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	YOUR MOM
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy or Austrailia
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	As long as I can look in them I don't care
Short or Long Hair:	preferably long...but it's not required
Height:	a little taller than me...but I would go for a midget...in an ewok costume
Weight:	not anorexic, and not morbidly obese
Best Clothing Style:	NAKED...lol...I don't care
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	more than you could count on 100 people's fingers and toes!
Number of Piercings:	2 in each ear
Number of Tattoos:	none yet...but I want a few
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	I don't want to think about it...
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Head is Giving Me Life or Death, But I Can't Choose...

2005-06-14T23:49:00.000-05:00

So Pooja's party was at Chuck E Cheese. I have never been to Chuck E Cheese before, because I was a deprived child (who was spoiled rotten and lives in a three level house in the suburbs). Good people were there. Brian is now my pimp ($5, ten minutes, under the table). I got molested by Otto...more than once...Wow...And now for something completely different: Why is everyone mad at me? Some people I see justified reasons, but others just seem to be mad at me and I don't know why. Please inform me of your dissatisfaction if you have not done so already. Thank You. Okay, Foo Fighters=The Bomb Diggity. That is all. Over and Out.

I Can Die Now...

2005-06-14T18:25:00.000-05:00

In Your Honor is amazing.
I could go on and on about how much I love it, but I won't. I'll just end this post's discussion of it by saying that it's amazing.

In other news: I got a shirt today, that says "I did it all for the Wookie." You know, I really did do it all for the Wookie.

Also, I got a comforter with Johnny Depp in Pirate Garb printed on it. My mom insisted upon buying it. I'm not gonna fight it. It's purdy.

Tonight is Pooja's party. More on that later.

Hooray!

2005-06-14T00:19:00.000-05:00

This evening was spent with Emily and Courtney. We confessed our love for boybands and even played my O-Town CD. Our new favorite song is "Every Six Seconds." Those are some saucy lyrics! Many Backstreet Boy songs were sung. Isn't it fun being a teenage girl? Heh. Oh my, what idiots we were when we listened to these things. We discussed poster tetris. We shall play some day. Our new hit single, "Cuz I'm Rodney," is dedicated to Curt Negri and Jen Rojak, two very special individuals. The next song off the album will be "I WENT TO THE STORE!!!" Here are the lyrics: I WENT TO THE STORE!!! I BOUGHT SOME MILK!!! AND SOME EGGS!!! AND A LOAF OF BREAD!!! AS WELL AS SOME THROAT LOSENGES!!! BECAUSE I'M SCREAMING!!! I PAID THE CLERK $20!!! HE GAVE ME EXTRA CHANGE!!! SO I GAVE IT BACK!!! HE WAS ASIAN!!!" You have to love our wide range of musical styles. We infuse spoken word and screamo/hardcore. We rock. Wait, do we have a name? Lol. I love EMU and Court! On another note, it's only a matter of hours until I get my Foos!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna piss my pants because I'm so excited.