She appears composed, so she is, I suppose...

So....Last Friday there was a completely bogus threat of a shootout at good old FHS, which prompted my mom to pull me out of school. No complaints here. She took me to work at the middle school and I visited the old auditorium, and it made me smile. XD
Later on we got Brian and went to see The Libertine.
My oh my, Mr.Depp made himself ugly towards the end, but he was still awesome, although it would have been better with a butt shot and less rotting nose. Whatever.
We then went to Applebees.
Saturday was set "construction" and I don't even want to talk about it.
Later that evening I went to Outback with Brian and his clan, and met his cousin Amy and her boyfriend Leo, who has a cute daughter named Selena. They were fun people, and I think they liked me.
"Tell me of abduction."
Brian and I then watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Hi-Larry-Us.

Sunday...shopping with mom, Flavor of Love marathon, Brian, meatloaf & macaroni and cheese, Silence of the Lambs, more Flavor of Love.
Mintiness and candy bars are fun.

Today I had a doctor's appointment, so I got a physical done, and then got (a) shot. Tetnus shot! AAHHH!! It hurts like a biatch.
I have guitar ensemble later.

Cool beans!

I'm looking to the sky to save me

So, today...today, was actually a surprisingly good day.
Because of HSPA I've been going to school 3 hours later, which means I catch the bus at 9:40. This means since Tuesday I've been watching an episode of the Golden Girls at 9. AWESOME!
Once in school, I introduced The Game to a few new people, and I find myself losing very frequently. I went to guitar, had fun with Jenna, Nickbennett, Curt and Stewart, who had some frozen orange slices that got stuck on my teeth.
During fourth period, Curt, Dan, Mike and I discussed old memories, and it was fun.
Fifth period...Mrs.Sharma's Pre Calc class is the biggest waste of my life. She doesn't know how to teach, and expects us to know everything.
In Mr.Pinnix's class I was applauded for thinking outside the box. Stick it to the box man!
Lunch was rather fun, I don't quite recall anything specific.
Chemistry was rather boring. I hate Gregory Williams.
Foster's class...meh, the usual.
Rehearsal was decent. I'll spare you the details.
Chris' father gave me a ride home, and while we were waiting for him, we were being stupid and having fun. Jenna made an appearance because she was at school to pick up Pants.
I really love the weather, it makes me feel good, because it reminds me of good times last year.
That's all for now, maybe I'll post later.

We never change...do we?

So, thinking is a dangerous pass time.
I've re-evaluated almost every aspect of my life.
I've come to the conclusion that almost everyone I know is fake, vain, and uncaring. I'll be the first to say that I don't have many friends, and of those I do have, I know that the majority of them aren't true friends. To top it all off, those that come closest to being true friends don't even do what normal people do with their friends. I hang out with them very rarely. I don't call them and they don't call me. I guess you could say, I'm alone.
The only person I have is Brian, and sometimes I doubt whether or not he really wants to be with me. I don't think he's in this relationship to take advantage of me or anything, but, I do think that he only stays because he thinks he can't do any better.
I want to go back. Back to the way things were in the summer. I was carefree, I had a group of people surrounding me who were supportive. Things just seemed so much simpler.
I don't regret doing anything I've done since the summer, I truly don't.
But I can't help but wonder about what could have been. If I didn't have Brian, would I go to parties every weekend, get wasted, and do careless things? If I were more popular, would Brian still be with me? If I weren't with Brian, would Pete still talk to me? If I hadn't regained 10 pounds that I lost over the summer, would people be more open with me?
I know the answer to the third question.
Pete hasn't stopped talking to me entirely, but it's rare if I talk to him once a week. It used to be every single day. But he got a job. A good job. I'm really happy for him, but I miss him a lot. I think the thing I miss the most about him was his humanity. He was easy for me to talk to, and I didn't care about his flaws at all. They made more intriguing. I still love Pete, and I always will.
Oh, and to clear up any confusion that could result from the last paragraph, the way I love Pete is unique. It's not quite the same love I have for a family, and it's a different type of love than the love I have for Brian. I guess it's the purest form of love, platonic love. The love of a friend.
He may not be the stereotypical "best friend" but he gave me what I needed, and it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what that was.

In conclusion, when Brian finally dumps me, I'll have nobody, and I'll be left to drown in my own tears.

So this is the New Year...and I don't feel any different.

Hi there...Does this thing still work?
I'm trying to remember why I stopped blogging in the first place, and I can't quite remember. I can tell you why I'm starting again.
Ever since the beginning of December I've been going through a bunch of emotional swings, and I'm never really happy. I'm always moody and bitchy, and I don't think I'm very fun to be with. So, I thought about what I did before I was in this state, and I think my lack of blogging contributed to my situation. I don't know if this will make me feel any better, but, I'll give it a try.
So, let's catch up, shall we?
The Christmas Party in December, for lack of a better word, sucked.
The Holidays were pretty decent...I went another week without Brian, and it was tough.
Guitar Ensemble concert in January, had to speak to a person I thought I'd never have to deal with again.
February was fun. Valentine's Day was the best ever. Brian and I had our six month anniversary, which was also amazing. My sixteenth birthday was on the 25th. Good stuff.
I'm still completely and totally in love with Brian, and I hope he's still in love with me.
We're doing Camelot as our spring musical. Brian is Merlyn, and I had nothing to do with it. The show is progressing rather well, but we're crunched for time since we started late and haven't even begun constructing the set. It shall be fun.
Did I mention Brian got into college? Rider!
It's not too far.
I'll post more later.

Would I be out of line, if I said I miss you....

Okay, I sincerely appologize for not posting in this thing for almost two weeks now. Although, nobody reads it so I guess its ok. Where should I begin?
Wednesday the 16th of November I went to Barnes and Noble in Princeton to meet Ted from Queer Eye. He was very amusing, and his cook book is superb. He's a very charming man and I'd enjoy having him as a friend because he's funny, and very calm.. He's got this cynical and sarcastic way about him, and it reminds me of me sometimes.
Anyway, that evening I got very ill, and I stayed home from school on Thursday and Friday, and spent the majority of Thursday throwing up. Lovely, no? When I wasn't hunched over the toilet spilling my guts, I was knitting and watching Lifetime. I accomplished a lot of knitting.
Saturday the 19th, I got my hair cut. It's now about 2 or 3 inches shorter. Then in the afternoon I went out shopping with my dad and accomplished a lot there too. At that point I had only my friends to shop for. After that lovely excursion I started another knitting project and then Brian and I made plans to hang out at his house and then go out to dinner with his family. We attempted to watch some movies and then went out. After a while in traffic, we finally arived at a Chinese Buffet type thing, and enjoyed some okay Chinese food. Then we returned to his home, and attempted to watch more movies, but ended up just being together, which is better than any movie anybody could possibly imagine.
On Sunday my mom and I went out and bought yarn for more knitting fun, and then Brian came over for dinner. The two of us discovered that we are both indeed ticklish, and we both took advantage of this. He also payed up several times. Sunday was one of the best nights of my life.
Monday was the typical guitar situation, and I really would have prefered not to be there. It was the three month anniversary of Brian and I, and although we had makeshift celebrations on Sunday and Tuesday, I would have liked to have been with him. Well, I would always LOVE to be with him, but Monday was special.
Tuesday my mom and I dropped Poo Dog off at the kennel and then picked Brian up and he came back to our abode. He payed up some more and we watched some television. I love him.
Wednesday....sucked. I left for Massachusetts and I missed Brian the entire time, even before I left. In school, even holding his hand, I missed him. I felt like crying all day and the entire weekend. Even though I called him every night, it still wasn't the same.
So as you have probably gathered, I spent the weekend with my relatives in Massachusetts. I don't remember all that much of what happened because most of the time I was miserable because I wasn't with him. I did knit a bunch though, and accomplished almost all of my Christmas shopping.

Now I'm preparing for my Christmas party which is on the 16th, and missing Brian.
I'm sorry for this post being so vague, I'm sorry for not posting, I'm sorry for everything.

I'm waiting for tonight, then waiting for tomorrow, and I'm somewhere in between...

So since I fail at blogging, I shall start at Thursday.
There was no school because of the teachers convention, so I spent the majority of my day in bed. I straightened my hair and went out with Brian in the evening. We went to the Olive Garden to use my gift card, and our waitress thought he was a girl. After a rather short dinner, we walked in the cold to the Brunswick Square Mall, where we had an hour and a half to kill before we saw Zorro. Aimless wandering occured, and then we went through a maze to find the theatre. The movie was rather comical. ANTONIO BANDERAS!
Friday I cleaned my room, knit, and watched the Golden Girls Marathon on Lifetime. I then went to Brian's house for an evening in which we watched a grand total of THREE list movies. The Breakfast Club, Don Juan DeMarco, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Grrrrrreat movies. I then had to go to my dad's house, where I was miserable.
On Saturday my dad made me go out to breakfast at the diner, and made me eat all of my nasty omlette because he thinks I have an eating disorder. Then he made me start Christmas shopping, and I did pretty well. I then went home, talked to Brian for an hour on the phone, went to church, and then went to pick up Brian. My dad and I took him to Shogun, which is one of my favorite restaurants. However, I felt cheated because our hibachi chef was white. It's not the full experience unless he's Japanese, or at the very least ASIAN. I cought the zucchini cube on the first try! Yay me. Food was good. We then took Brian home, and I was sad.
Sunday I made dinner for Brian. I thought it sucked, especially the soup. Whatever. He got himself into more debt than ever, and he's just gonna have to repay it.
Yesterday I had guitar ensemble, and then had to sit through a Project Graduation meeting, where I had the best ideas. I run the god damn organization. AND IM NOT EVEN A SENIOR.

Today school sucked, and I'm not gonna get into it. I'm just looking forward to dying hair and being with Brian tonight, and then meeting Ted from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy tomorrow.

Under My Thumb?

Soo....
Monday I went to school, and did the typical double guitar thing that I will do every monday for the rest of the year. However, my Pete showed up at ensemble, and it made me smile. The love I have for Pete is so pure and platonic. It's really a beautiful thing.
Yeah, I know that was corny, SHUT UP!
Yesterday, school equates to gay. After school we kidnapped Brian and I got Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on DVD because that's what I do. Every time a Johnny Depp movie comes out in theatres, I see it that day. When it comes out on DVD I buy it that day. Obsessive? Yes. But that's how things work. After buying it, we went to Houlihan's, and I ate my smashed taters. There was a baby with a hat like mine, and it made everyone smile.
We returned to my house, and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Poo Dog joined us for a while, and did this gay thing with his paw. It was slightly adorable, yet flaming homosexual. I love my dog.
I was glad that Brian liked the movie. Very very glad.
There is also a new rule. Every time Brian says "fabulous" he has to kiss me to prove he isn't gay. But I'm not complaining.

Today was also pretty gay. I fell asleep in chemistry. When I got home I made a Brian Box. Then I had to go out with my dad, and I ate more than I can handle so he would stop saying that I have an eating disorder. Now I feel sick, but I'm sure I'll be better after I digest a little bit.

4 day weekend!!!!!!!!!!

This is not my idea of a good time...

But last night was.
Despite my poor attitude during the day because of the fact I was forced to work ANOTHER Rutgers game against my will, I managed to enjoy myself last night. Actually, I think it was one of the most thoroughly enjoyed nights of my life.
My mom and I went to pick up Brian, and then we went to Hunan Delight to get some Chinese Foo(ooooooooooooooooooooooo)d. While they found some stray cats and dogs to turn into "chicken" and "pork" we went to Blockbuster to get some flicks. Brian and I settled on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Resevoir Dogs. We actually managed to get not one but TWO movies off of the infamous list.
We picked up the food, went home, and discovered that they messed up Brian's order, and I got mad, and wanted to send it back, but he refused, and actually enjoyed it.
We watched both movies and a little bit of Beavis and Butt-head. Twas truly great.
I came up with some fun terms.
Fart Knocker
Ass Goblin
Turd Burglar
Crap Snatcher (a synonym of Turd Burglar)
Shit Stealer/Thief (also synonyms)

Brian developed a pain in his side which I hope has gone away by now.

Today I woke up and showered, and then my mom and I went to IHOP like we usually do on Sunday mornings. We went to the Woodbridge mall for a fun filled day of shopping and a lot of stuff was bought. As the day progressed, my mom felt ill.
On our way home Brian called me and invited me over, and I got all excited because I was going to spend more time with him.
When we got home I did my math homework, and then Brian told me our plans would be delayed for a little bit. Not a problem.
As the minutes passed by, my stomach started to hurt. It hurt so much that I had to lay down. While in bed, Brian called, and I had to tell him that I should stay home. I really was looking forward to spending the evening with him. But, when I look at what occured tonight, I think its good that I stayed home.
I stayed in bed for a while, and then decided to watch Lost in La Mancha, which my mother rented. I felt worse and worse as time went by, and thought it might be a good idea to take a shower. So I did.
When I stepped out of the shower I felt dizzy and my head hurt a lot. I ended up throwing up and now my stomach feels better. My head still hurts like a bitch though.

Tonight sucked, but at least I didn't make a mess when I threw up.